A Win-Win Strategy for Memphis Parents
Many times, at the start of a divorce, parents see custody of the children as an either-or situation: one parent has custody and the other is relegated to a visitation/possession schedule. ~ Divorce and Family Law in Tarrant County, TX
In Tennessee, co-parenting and decision making allows parents to avoid trying to win a “custody battle” and concentrate on planning for their children. Instead of devoting energy to the win-lose mindset and proving that the other parent is “unfit,” co-parenting and decision making, co-parenting and decision making keeps that energy on parenting. Don’t think about strategic moves and get rid of any ulterior purposes, such as getting property or paying less child support. You have the right to parent your children and your children have the right to support and care from both their parents. You and your spouse must think about the financial and relationship hardships that will arise if you refuse to work together to care for your children.
A Win-Win Strategy for co-parenting and decision making may require more maturity than some parents can muster, but, for those able to shift gears, think rationally and be patient, the following approach can be rewarding for them and their children.
1. Think about, discuss and decide what your ultimate goals are for the kids. What outcomes would you like to see? Many people would want some of the following (or similar) goals:
The kids having a great relationship with both parents
The kids having a great relationship with their extended families
Financial security for the children
Having a safe, secure home for the children
Having good schools for the kids
Providing for a college education for the children
Providing sports opportunities for the children
The opportunity for the kids to learn music, art or other interests
Each parent can decide what he or she thinks would be important goals for their children. Broader, underlying goals are more helpful and meaningful. If both parents think of goals in broad terms, they often can agree on them.
2. Look at the big picture. What are the resources to work with:
Financial abilities of the parents
Parental/family member time available
What homes and schools are available and affordable
What the parents’ neighborhoods are like
The existing relationships between parents and children and the roles each parent plays with the children
What community resources are available
What special needs, if any, a child has
What interests the child has
3. Brainstorm options. Think up as many different solutions as you can. Sometimes it is helpful to get help from a parenting expert. Spend some time and try to be non-traditional or unconventional. Don’t limit yourself to ‘standard’ solutions. Open up your thoughts to come up with some crazy ideas because they might just turn into good ideas.
4. Evaluate your options. See if they can help achieve your identified goals. Criticizing and testing your options can lead to the discovery of other ideas and can help you narrow down the choices until you are left with an idea or ideas that work.
Implementation: This process can helpful if just you do it, but it is really better if you can do it with the other parent. If you work on this alone, you can create a better plan to present in court or in mediation. If both parents work together through this process, there’s an excellent chance they will reach an agreement that will be satisfactory to both parents and to the children.
Please give this a try and let me know how it works for you!
