Should We Accept Credit Cards for Memphis Divorces and Family Law Cases?
February 15, 2008 | 1 Comment
This is a question for all of the loyal readers of our Memphis divorce and family law blog.
Should we accept credit cards for divorces and family law matters?
We’ve been asked by several clients lately whether or not we accept credit cards. The answer so far has been no, we don’t accept credit cards for our Memphis divorce or family law clients. However, with so many requests we are contemplating changing our policy so that we can begin to accept credit cards for payment.
What do you think? Give us your opinion and let us know if you feel this is something you’d like to see.
Top 10 Things to Do if You Are Going to Get a Memphis Divorce
February 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
There is no substitute for planning, and planning for your divorce can make the process go smother, lower your lawyers fees, and help ensure you emerge on the other end of the case ready to move forward, and with the least amount of emotional and financial damage. We put together the following “Top 10 list” for those considering divorce.
- Consider your other options: While not appropriate in every case, consider if you really want to be divorced. If not, talk to a marriage counselor or other professional who can explore saving your marriage. If the process works, great! If the process does not work, you can at least get help discovering what went wrong, how to cope, and how best to move on.
- Consult with and retain a family law attorney: Clients often make strategic mistakes prior to filing. For example, moving out of the family home, even briefly, can impact a custody and parenting time case. We blogged about the difference between consulting a lawyer and retaining a lawyer before. Make sure you at least consult so you know your rights, and how to avoid shooting yourself in the foot.
- Copy documents: Your case will be smoother and your fees lower if you have a copy of all essential documents to provide to your lawyer. Obtain copies of pay stubs, tax returns, retirement account statements, bank statements, car and boat titles, real estate documents, insurance polices, etc. If you or your spouse uses financial software to track expenses, save a copy of the file.
- Inventory your personal property: Go room to room and make a list of major items of value. You do not need to inventory every muffin tin, but you may end up out of the house for a period of months while the case progresses, and you may forget what is there.
- Get a copy of your credit reports: Getting a credit report is very useful in identifying debt, accounts, and what accounts are open and closed. Pull a copy of your report from each of the three credit bureaus or a tri-merge report and your lawyer will thank you.
- Establish your own credit and source of funds: If you do not have credit in your own name, apply for them and get several. You will need to establish your own separate credit history, and do not want to be in the position of having your access to funds cut off. If there is a joint cash account, consider splitting it and transferring ½ to a separate account in your sole name.
- Keep the kids out of it: Getting ready for a divorce can take lots of time and energy. Make sure the kids don’t suffer any more than necessary by making them the first priority. Do not put them in the middle. Do not argue in front of them. Do not badmouth your spouse in front of the kids. Keep their routines as normal as you can. Stay connected (or get connected) to their activities at school and after school. Courts take a dim view parents that put kids in the middle of the conflict. Just don’t do it.
- Know your finances: Make sure you know what you make and are capable of making, what your spouse makes and is capable of making, and where the money goes each month. What are the credit cards? How much is owed? Where are the retirement accounts? Can you earn enough in your current job or will you need your spouse to support you for a period of time? If your job involves travel, will you need a different job without travel if you don’t have a spouse to watch the kids while you are gone? The more you know about the finances the easier it will be to communicate with your lawyer. Knowing the finances and having a plan helps put you in the best position after the divorce is over.
- Manage debt: This could be the worst time to increase your debt level. Unless your lawyer tells you otherwise, don’t make major purchases. Don’t go on shopping sprees. Some lawyers advise their clients to contact joint creditors and have accounts closed, or limits reduced to prevent the accumulation of new debt during the divorce.
- Take care of yourself: Divorce can be a very stressful experience. Take care of yourself, even before anyone files. Work out. Find a support group, either through your friends or a formal divorce support group. Consider getting counseling. Many clients choose to get into counseling to help with the process, and report back that it was helpful.
Thanks go out to divorce lawyer Sean Stephens on compiling this list. His original posting can be found here.
How to Make Shared Custody Work in Your Memphis Divorce
February 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
It takes hard work, rules and schedules to make shared custody work when it comes to a Memphis divorce where children are involved. Just because you will be getting a divorce doesn’t mean you won’t have to deal with your former spouse anymore. But with dedication to making sure that the best interest of your children is always the number one priority shared custody can and does work. Just don’t expect it to be easy.
Steps to Making Shared Custody Work in your Memphis Divorce:
1. Realize that although you and your partner can no longer function as a couple you must continue to function as parents together. Put aside your anger and hurt, and resolve to work together for the good of your child.
2. Expect to have disagreements. After all, you did split up for a reason. When you disagree, try not to do so in front of your child, and try to find a way to compromise. It is too late to hope to change each other. You need to learn to focus on your child together.
3. Talk to the other parent. You and your ex-spouse must find a way to communicate with each other if you are to parent together. If you cannot communicate, you cannot parent effectively as a team.
4. Bite your tongue. Learn not to pursue every argument that comes up. Think of shared custody as a job you must get done. You can’t accomplish your work if you spend all your time arguing.
5. Make a list of rules to follow as parenting partners. For example, no arguing in front of the child, be polite to each other, be considerate of the other person when possible and, most importantly, put your child first.
6. Form some ground rules about things such as bedtime, how much television is allowed, when homework must be done, etc., and follow them in both houses. Having two sets of rules is too confusing for children. Have some rules for yourselves, as well, such as who will wash the child’s clothes, where school and sports equipment will be kept, who will buy clothes, etc.
7. Set up a schedule, and follow it. Sit down with a calendar, and decide where the child will be each day. Write it down, and make sure you both keep a copy. Make a schedule that will be easy to remember and easy to follow. You don’t want it to be different each week.
8. Be flexible. Realize that things are going to come up and changes will have to be made to the schedule to accommodate you, your child and the other parent. The more relaxed and cooperative you both are about this, the easier it will be.
9. Plan out a procedure for requesting schedule changes. For example, all nonemergency changes must be requested at least 24 hours in advance.
10. Consider your child’s feelings. Many children feel strongly about wanting to have one home base, and experts often say that it is best if a child has one place to call home. Do everything you can to make your child feel comfortable.
11. Work around your child’s activities. Don’t make your child miss soccer practice because it is the other parent’s afternoon. Keeping your child involved in activities will help to normalize the situation for him or her.
12. Get help if you need it. It can be helpful to work with a mediator to resolve schedule disputes. It can also be helpful to see a couple’s therapist for help in learning to work together as co-parents.
Tips:
Don’t expect shared custody to go smoothly in the beginning. All of you will have to learn to adjust to it. Be patient with the situation.
If after a while the situation is not working, talk to your attorney about getting the custody situation changed.
Feel good about yourself. By having shared custody you are giving your child access to both parents. Although it may be difficult, it is one of the best things you can do for your child.
Warnings:
If your ex-spouse is or has been abusive, you should rethink shared custody. Keeping your child safe takes precedence over all else.
If you suspect your child has been mistreated by the other parent, you need to contact the police and the local child protective agency.
Special thanks to divorce and family lawyer Grant Griffiths for this post. His original post can be found here.
Top 10 Things to NOT do During your Memphis Divorce.
February 13, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Divorce is not easy. There are many pitfalls and traps awaiting parties that have not educated themselves about the process. People often make bad decisions under stress, or without the guidance of an experienced lawyer. Don’t be one of them. Divorce law isn’t rocket science, but it isn’t always intuitive. Avoid the following 10 divorce pitfalls to get a better result.During your divorce, you should NOT:
- Lie to your lawyer: We are here to help you. Your communication with us is privileged, meaning we can’t tell others about it, except in certain child abuse scenarios. The more we know, the more we can help. We need to know everything, the embarrassing, the ugly, and the secret. If you have a drug, alcohol, or gambling problem, tell us. You have two options: (1) Disclose and likely hear from your lawyer that your secret or problem is irrelevant to the court process, or (2) Fail to disclose and have your case hurt at trial because the other lawyer knows facts you haven’t told your lawyer.
- Lie to the court: If you have a trial, the result is directly affected by your credibility. Judges are generally experts at determining who is telling the truth, and who is lying. Not only is lying to the court a crime, but your lawyer may have a duty to stop the proceeding and tell the court if he or she knows you are misrepresenting facts! If you have areas of your case that are sensitive, work with your lawyer on what you are going to say, but don’t misrepresent.
- Involve the kids in the process: If your case involves a custody or parenting time dispute, nothing will draw the wrath of the court faster than involving your kids in the dispute. Don’t talk to them about the case. Don’t use them as pawns in the battle against your spouse. Don’t use them as your therapist, or treat them as your peers. Don’t put your spouse down in front of the kids. You are not only harming your case, you are harming your children.
- Hide or fail to produce documents: You have an absolute right to see your spouse’s financial documents. Your spouse has an absolute right to see your financial documents. I have seen many cases that could have been simple turn complex and expensive when someone decides to not voluntarily produce records. The court can force you to produce records, and order that you pay your spouse’s lawyer fees incurred in getting the records. Good clients and good lawyers produce documents quickly and voluntarily. I had a case where we asked for some email records from the other side. They did not produce them, and when we filed a motion to compel their production, they tried to tell the court that they had been destroyed. The stunt seriously impacted the opposing lawyer’s credibility with the court.
- Refuse to cooperate with a court appointed expert: In divorce and custody cases, experts called “custody evaluators” are routinely appointed to gather information about a family and make a recommendation regarding an appropriate parenting plan. If one is appointed in your case, cooperate. Be on time for appointments. Treat the expert with appropriate respect. Ignoring the requests of the evaluator can seriously harm your position and credibility with the court. An evaluator will likely make negative assumptions about you if you cannot comply with a court’s order to cooperate.
- Settle without analyzing your case: Divorce can be unpleasant and emotionally painful. One reaction is to try to get it over quickly. Do not give into the urge to be done with the case before you have a full understanding of the assets and what a fair distribution looks like. You don’t want to be in a position where you are contemplating settlement and your spouse knows more about the assets than you. Prepare and go over a proposed distribution of assets and liabilities with your lawyer. Make sure you know the nature and extent of the assets, and get additional discovery if you don’t. Do not settle prematurely, before you know what is fair.
- Fail to try to resolve the case outside of court: Don’t settle early without analysis, but also don’t fail to try to settle. Good lawyers and reasonable people settle most divorce cases without a trial. Many clients benefit from mediation, either through the county courthouse or through a private mediator. Our experience has been that many very difficult settle in mediation with the guidance of a trained expert mediator. You should always consult with your lawyer during the process to make sure you are getting a fair result. Settling also means you choose the outcome rather than have a judge impose an outcome on you. Parties that settle are generally happier long term, and have less ongoing conflict. Even if the other side is unreasonable, you should still make an offer to create a record of your position.
- Take out your stress in unhealthy ways: This is the wrong time to up the drinking or other unhealthy behavior. Expect stress from the conflict and plan for it. Take out your stress in healthy ways, like at the gym, sports, or in talking to friends or a counselor. Don’t take it out on your children, or your body through unhealthy behaviors.
- Be economically irrational in negotiations: At some point in every case it costs more to continue arguing than what is at stake. Approach your case with a business like mind. Are you really winning if you spend $1000 on lawyers to argue over a $50 lamp? Some (bad) lawyers insist on arguing about every point, without regard to cost. Every issue is a new battle front. A request to resolve one issue results in two more contested issues. In our opinion, these lawyers don’t serve their clients well. Pick your battles. If it costs $1000 to argue over something you can replace at Target for $20, buy a new one, and focus on what is really important.
- Be your own lawyer if your case is contested and your spouse is represented: Many judges dislike unrepresented parties. Even experienced divorce lawyers hire experienced divorce lawyers for an objective opinion. Many unrepresented people who think they have a great case find out otherwise after a judge rules against them because they can’t tell the judge everything they want to because of the rules of evidence. If you disagree over property or custody, and your spouse has a lawyer, seek representation.
We’d like to thank a decidely un-Memphis divorce lawyer for the source of this post, divorce attorney Sean Stephens in Portland Oregon. His original post can be found here.
Memphis Tennessee Divorce Forms
February 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Ever wondered what an actual Tennessee Parenting Plan document looked like? How about a final decree of divorce? In this short post I’m attaching a couple of pdf forms showing you what these documents actually look like.
The first set of documents show what a Tennessee Parenting Plan looks like after it has been submitted to the court.
Tennessee Parenting Plan Form part 1
Tennessee Parenting Plan part 2
Next is a final decree of divorce signed by court.
Final Decree Granting Divorce Sample
If you have any questions regarding your Memphis divorce or would like to speak to a Memphis divorce lawyer please give us call at 901.754.1340
Valentine’s Day in Memphis, Tennessee
February 12, 2008 | 1 Comment
Enjoy the Memphis Valentine’s Day Guide with your loved ones.
If you have been making plans with a special someone, why not consider a trip Nashville?
We are Memphis Family Lawyers that can assist your family through all stages of life.
Why won’t you be able to win custody in Tennessee?
February 11, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Simply stated, because your children are not a prize to be won.
In Tennessee, the proper terminology concerning the on going care and support of your children is Co-Parenting and Decision Making. You and spouse must agree to a Permanent Parenting Plan. Any decisions left to the court will be decided on the Best Interests of the Child, the BIOC standard without regard to your opinions. The parent with whom the child resides for more than 50% of the time is title the Primary Residential Parent, the PRP, and the other parent is title the Alternate Residential Parent, the ARP. The Basic Child Support Obligation, the BSCO will be paid by the ARP to the PRP based on the Income Shares Approach to calculating child support.
This terminology shifts the focus from the conflict of divorce to the care of your children.
Permanent Parenting Plan
A Parenting Plan is way for divorcing (or even divorced) parents to plan for the parenting of their children after a divorce. This is a program designed to empower the Court system and parents with the necessary tools and skills to provide a better comfort level for the children of divorce. The Parenting Plan recognizes the importance of the parent-child relationship to the welfare of the child. In most situations, children do best when they receive the emotional and financial support of both parents. Every component of the Parenting Plan is designed to focus on the child’s best interest.
Development of a permanent Parenting Plan provides parents with an opportunity to establish a road map for future parenting of the child. The Plan can serve as a successful tool in reducing conflict when it is prepared in thoughtful, rational discussion rather than in heated emotional exchanges. It removes legal jargon and replaces it with common, everyday terms, and sets the framework to develop a family reorganization. The Plan can work to preserve family relationships. It encourages both parents to make their children the number one priority, and to see the need for the children to maintain a close, continuing relationship with each parent. The Parenting Plan enables both parents to remain involved in major decisions including education, religion, and medical care.
The Parenting Plan attempts to move away from the concepts of “custody” and “visitation” to emphasize the concept of “parenting responsibilities.” The overall goal and objective of the Plan is to lessen the hostility and encourage parents to work cooperatively in the best interests of their children. As parents working together, you will make the major decisions including education, religion, and medical care. You will make the decisions on how to resolve future issues as you continue to parent your children.
We are Memphis Divorce and Family Lawyers that want to help our clients understand divorce and family law procedures. Part of this understanding comes with know legal terminology. We hope that this helps you better understand divorce and family law issues in Memphis.
Department of Human Services or DHS
Department of Children’s Services or DCS
Seven Steps for a Better Divorce
February 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The object of a Memphis divorce should always be to try to exit the marriage on good terms and without drawn out bickering and arguing. Here are seven steps that divorcing couples can take to have a better divorce experience. These seven tips come from Texas family law attorney, Dick Price, and are listed below:
- Be prepared. If you know ahead of time that you will (or may) be going through a divorce, it really pays off for you to gather documents and information about important issues, such as your finances. You may uncover unknown assets or you may just have proof of the existence and values of assets, which would probably help save quite a bit of money.
- Plan for changes and be flexible. Realize that your family will become two separate units and that will stretch your resources. You may have to change your short- and long-range goals. In almost every case, someone virtually ’starts over’ and often both parties really struggle. Accept the need to compromise and be open to new ways of doing things.
- Be honest with your attorney. He or she can’t do nearly as good a job with faulty information. Virtually everything you tell an attorney is confidential, so don’t hold back.
- Prepare to use specialists. Attorneys can be very good helping you with the law, facts and procedure, but they often don’t know as much about specialty areas such as taxation as a CPA or divorce financial planner does. The process can move faster and better if you use (as needed) a:
Counselor/therapist, if you are sad or mad.
Financial planner, if you don’t have much experience in finances.
Business valuation expert for small businesses.
Child specialist to help find solutions for visitation, child support issues, living arrangements, etc. - Look at the big picture. Don’t get lost in insignificant issues or in keeping score to see who wins the most points. If you start to slip into arguing about tiny issues, make yourself go back up to the broader issues and get your spouse off the small stuff. Focus on the goals, needs and interests that are important to you. It doesn’t matter what your spouse is gaining or claiming to gain or wants to argue about. Leave the small stuff alone and stay true to your essential goals. You will be truly successful if you can achieve your important goals and needs.
- Practice ‘putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes’. Empathy can really help you in a number of ways. Since 90-95% of divorces settle, negotiations are a major part of any divorce. You can better understand and respond to your spouse’s requests and offers if you understand what important to him or her and what factors will motivate them. Being able to figure out what your spouse is motivated by can help you create settlement options that will be acceptable and even welcome to your spouse.
- Reduce conflict. The more you fight, the more it costs. That should be obvious. You can choose to start or continue battles, or you can decide to work for solutions.
From Seven Tips for a Better Divorce by Dick Price
Why You Shouldn’t Always Hire a Cheap Memphis Divorce Lawyer
February 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment
When searching for a Memphis divorce attorney you should resist the temptation to hire a cheap divorce lawyer based simply on the fact that he or she charges less than their competitors. Many of these cheap lawyers charge extremely low fees because they take on very large caseloads. In many cases you will never see the attorney until you show up in court. Instead a paralegal, not an attorney, will review your case and complete all the filings.
Because of this their clients do not get the time or attention they deserve because the firm is overwhelmed and understaffed. When this happens things can easily fall through the cracks, including your divorce. At that point the decision to hire a cheap Memphis divorce lawyer may not seem so smart.
Most of our clients come to us after having already called several different Memphis divorce attorneys. They choose us because we offer unparalleled service and attention to detail at a great value. We don’t take every case, only those that fit our specific guidelines. Because of this we can focus on our clients and give them the best representation possible.
Ten Questions to Ask Your Memphis Divorce Lawyer?
February 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Here are Ten Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Potential Memphis Divorce Attorney:
- How much is your fee for an initial consultation?
- Do you have e&o insurance?
- How will you keep me informed about what’s going on in my case?
- What documents will you need?
- Will there be a team of lawyers who will help me in my divorce?
- Does the firm charge by the hour or does it offer flat rate fees for a divorce?
- How much are the firm’s average hourly rates?
- What is the standard fee for filing an uncontested divorce?
- Do you offer a flat fee for contested divorces?
- Do you limit your practice to divorce and family law?
