When Can Your Child Decide Which Parent He/She Wants to Live With?

One of our most frequently asked questions regarding a divorce here in Memphis or in Mississippi is “When can my child decide who they want to live with after my divorce.”

The answer is 18 (the age of majority). Until a child becomes an adult they may not decide on their own which parent to live with after divorce.

However, under both Tennessee child custody laws and Mississipi child custody laws, if a child is 12 or older the judge may hear testimony from the child (either in court or in chambers) as to the preference of the child. However the judge is not under any obligation to place the child in their preferred home. The preference of the child is merely one factor that the judge will consider in awarding custody to the primary residential parent.

The main consideration that the judge uses to determine custody is the best interest of the child. The preference of the child is only one consideration in determining what is in the best interest of the child. However, if all other considerations are equal then the preference of the child will often times be the tipping point.

Memphis Divorce – The Tennesse

Memphis Divorce Lawyers – The Tennessee Parenting Plan

When a divorcing couple in Tennessee have children they must submit a parenting plan. The parenting plan is a formal document that the couple creates stating all the agreements concerning custody, visitation, and decision making.

Here are some of the more common items that are found in a Tennessee Parenting Plan.

• Residential Schedule

When going through your Memphis divorce with children one of the most important parts of your Tennessee Parenting Plan will be the residential schedule. The residential schedule details who the children will live with during the school year, vacations, holidays and special occasions. It also states if there are any limitations when visiting with a parent. The Tennessee Parenting Plan can award holidays, for example Halloween, to the father every even year and to the mother every odd year. But the parents can agree that there may be some holidays that will be given to one parent every year. Usually a plan will define what time a holiday begins and what time it ends. It is important to have a detailed plan to prevent problems with interpretation later.

• Decision Making

The next step in a plan is to assign decision making between the parents. Major decisions such as which school to attend or what religion the child will be raised as can be assigned to one parent or jointly. However, day-to-day decision making is generally given to the parent that the child is residing with at the time the decision needs to be made. If certain decisions are particularly important to a parent, this is the time to make that known and reach an agreement.

• Child Support

Of particular concern to most parents is child support. This area of the Tennessee Parenting Plan states which parent will pay child support and in what amount. In Memphis Child support is calculated using state guidelines which are based on the income shares model. This section of the parenting plan will also explain which parent is responsible for maintaining health insurance on the child. And if a parent is required to have life insurance during the child’s minority, it will also be listed here.

• Dispute Resolution

A provision discussing dispute resolution is generally included in a parenting plan. Many plans provide for disputes between the parties to go through a mediator before going back to court. This provision should also state who is responsible for costs of mediation or arbitration.

This is not a complete list of all the concerns that are covered in the Tennessee Parenting Plan, but rather a list of the most commonly found sections. If you have detailed questions concerning your Memphis divorce and Tennessee Parenting Plan please contact a competent Memphis Family Attorney or Memphis Divorce Attorney, or you may call the office of the Ferrell Law Firm at 901-754-1340.

5 Ways Children of Divorce Suffer

While not specific to either Memphis family law or Mississippi family law, I recently came across a post on the Oklahoma Family Law Blog, which is written by family lawyer Dan Nunely, that brought up several points that all parents in Memphis and the surrounding areas should consider if they are going through a divorce. 

The blog referenced an article written by Trish Berg that discussed the losses that children suffer when divorce occurs.  The following is her list of the five main losses children experience during divorce:

1. Loss of Dad – When parents divorce, typically the dad leaves the home, and may not be present much in the lives of the children. This causes an emotional vacuum for the children, and they may feel rejected, alone, and unloved, no matter how much the single parent loves them.

2. Loss of Money – When dad leaves, so does a lot of the money. Economic resource are, at best, cut in half, at worst, single parent families live in poverty.

3. Loss of Security – Kids of divorce often move to a new, smaller home, in a new town, with a new school. They now have to visit their dad. If mom and dad then begin dating, an entirely new stress is added to their lives. Their sense of stability and security is shaken as their world has forever changed.

4. Loss of Harmony – Many kids whose parents divorce feel caught in the middle. The fighting may have stopped, but now Mom may talk negatively about dad, and dad may gripe about mom, all in front of the kids. Parents may play games with visitation, and hold the children as emotional ransom. This loss of harmony causes tremendous chaos and stress for them.

5. Loss of Simplicity – Life for children of divorce can get very complicated. They have to schedule everything they do, and remember what weekends they are visiting dad so they don’t play in a soccer league with games then. They have to split heir holiday time – Christmas Eve with dad, Christmas morning with mom. And when life events hit, they have to worry about mom and dad being in the same place. Who will come to my eighth grade graduation? Will they see each other? Will they fight? Family life is now complex and chaotic, and that will last for the rest of their lives.

What can you do to help your children? Explain to them the process that you are going through. Make sure that they understand that nothing they haven’t done anything to cause the divorce. Never argue in front of them or use them as pawns between your spouse. And try to keep things as constant and familiar as you can. The more things remain the same the more secure your children will feel.

What Are the Grounds for Divorce in Tennessee?

One of the most frequent questions that a Mississippi divorce lawyer gets asked is “What are the grounds for divorce?” In Mississippi the courts have decided that there are 12 legal grounds for divorce. Here are they are, with the top three reasons listed first.

1. Habitual Cruel and Inhuman Treatment
2. Adultery
3. Desertion
4. Natural Impotency
5. Sentenced to a Penitentiary
6. Habitual Drunkenness
7. Habitual Drug Use
8. Insanity at the Time of Marriage
9. Bigamy
10. Pregnancy of Wife by Another at the Time of Marriage, Without Husband’s Knowledge
11. Incest
12. Incurable Insanity

You can find more detailed information about these Mississippi grounds for divorce on our website HERE.

Should You Date During Your Divorce?

This is an easy question to answer, it’s a resounding NO!

Although you may be separated from each other and living apart you should never date anyone while going through the divorce process. Rember, technically you are still married. What that means is that if you date someone while going through a divorce your spouse could sue you for divorce based on adultery.

You might say, “So what, who cares what he or she sues me for. I’m getting a divorce anyway.” But the truth is that a divorce based on adultery can cause major problems if you are wanting to get alimony or custody of children. You could end up without either if decide to date someone during the divorce process.

Not only that, but if you originally filed for divorce based on your spouses adultery your dating someone could destroy your grounds for divorce. When this occurs it is called recrimination and it can cause your divorce to drag out in court costing you thousands in legal fees and delaying your divorce.

Just remeber, your divorce will eventually be final and then you’ll have nothing but time to find and date that special someone. Until then keeps your hands to yourself and leave the dating life to your single friends.