Memphis Divorce: How soon do I need a Lawyer?
April 8, 2008 | Leave a Comment
As Memphis divorce and family lawyers, the Ferrell Law Firm get as many calls from people who have been served “divorce papers” as those contemplating divorce. Often, the call comes in a few weeks after service of process and after veiled threats from the other spouse that you have “only 30 days to sign or else”. This can leave the lawyer with a frantic client and frightened client.
It is very important that you contact one of the Ferrell Law Firm’s Memphis divorce lawyer as soon as you have been served “divorce papers.” A Divorce Complaint or Petition for Divorce must be formally answered by filing an Answer and/or Counter-Complaint within 30 days of Service of Process. If no Answer is filed, then the filing spouse is entitled to file for Default which will then allow their lawyer to set the Final Divorce Hearing after another 30 days.
Now after all those legal words and requirements, how quickly you really need a lawyer comes down to what kind of divorce you really have going on.
A True Uncontested Divorce… If you and your spouse have contemplated and decided on divorce, and if you agree to negotiate and settle all terms of the Marital Dissolution Agreement and Permanent Parenting Plan, if applicable and any other issues of Support or Property Division. Both spouses then seek independent legal advice and if necessary legal representation before the divorce is filed.
A Potentially Uncontested Divorce or in other words a Potentially Contested Divorce… If you and your spouse have contemplated divorce, but your spouse has already sought legal advice and legal representation and has served you with “divorce papers” and you may or may not be able to agreement on a settlement agreement. You must seek legal advice and legal representation within 30 days of being served in order to preserve your legal rights if the matter becomes a Contested Divorce. Once you have retained one of our Memphis divorce lawyers to represent you, we would file all necessary responses and contact the opposing lawyer about pursuing this as an Uncontested Divorce and negotiating a Marital Dissolution Agreement. If you cannot resolve your issues and agree to a settlement agreement, then the next step is to utilize Mediation to settle all contested matters.
A True Contested Divorce… If you and your spouse have never discussed or agreed on divorce, your spouse has filed for divorce and you are unable to agree to any settlement agreement. You must seek independent legal advice and legal representation immediately to preserve your rights and prepare for the long, expensive process of divorce litigation.
In short, it is in your best interests to retain a lawyer as soon as you have been served “divorce papers” in order to preserve and represent your rights.
Approved Parent Education Seminars in Memphis, TN
April 3, 2008 | 1 Comment
Whenever a divorce occurs here in Memphis, and children are involved, the courts require both parents to attend a parent education seminar. This is true no matter if the divorce is contested or uncontested. We’ve compiled a list here in this post that will help you find the the right organization for you to call, as well as their costs and days when they take place. We do this because it’s part of our job as Memphis divorce lawyers to help guide you through your divorce.
If you would like to see a printable list that is provided by the Shelby County Circuit Court just click here.
Agape Child and Family Services, Inc. 111 Racine Street Memphis, TN 38111 (901) 323-3600
-
- Christian Psychological Center, Inc. 3978 Central Avenue Memphis, TN 38111 (901) 458-6291
-
- Doyle Family Counseling Contact Person: Matt Doyle, MS, LPC 110 Timbercreek Drive Cordova, TN 38018-4234 (901) 309-0719
-
- The Exchange Club of Memphis 2180 Union Avenue Memphis, TN 38104 (901) 276-2200
-
- Family Services of the Mid-South Contact Person: David Frankle 2430 Poplar Avenue Memphis, TN 38112 (901) 324-3637
-
- Paula Honeycutt Offered at: Collierville Community Center, Agricenter International & in Cordova (tel) (901) 755-7747 (fax) (901) 737-1534
-
- Jewish Family Services 6560 Poplar Avenue Memphis, TN 38138 (901) 767-8511
-
- Mind-Steps 6401 Poplar Avenue, Suite 306 Memphis, TN 38119 (901) 869-0520
-
- Turning Point Counseling Contact Person: Bobby Scott, MA, LMTT 7183 Goodman Road, Suite D (662) 893-6556
-
- Southwest Tennessee Community College Continuing Education 5983 Macon Road Memphis, TN 38134 (901) 333-4207 (901) 333-4208 Classes held on several campuses
-
- University of Tennessee Agricultural Extension Service Contact Person: Cathy Faust 5565 Shelby Oaks Drive Memphis, TN 38134 (901) 544-0243
Memphis TN Parenting Plans FAQ’s
April 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Here are the answers to questions that our Memphis divorce attorneys get asked most often regarding Tennessee Parenting Plans.
Q: What does a Parenting Plan have in it?
A: It has the schedule of whom the children are with and when they are with them on a day-to-day basis. It also has the schedule of where the children will spend holidays, days off from school, and other special days (such as birthdays). The Parenting Plan lists who will be providing the health and/or dental insurance for the children and who will be supplying the child support. The Plan will also include an allocation of parental responsibilities; that is, who makes the decisions for the children. Finally, if necessary, the Parenting Plan will have a list of reasons that require limiting the parenting time and decision making of one of the parents and in what amount the parenting time and decision making should be limited.
Q: When is a Parenting Plan required?
A: A Permanent Parenting Plan is required in any final decree or decree for modification in an action for absolute divorce, legal separation, annulment, or separate maintenance involving a minor child issued after January 1, 2001. Temporary Parenting Plans are required in any temporary orders of the court in actions for absolute divorce, legal separation, annulment, or separated maintenance involving a minor child issued after January 1, 2001.
Basically if you are receiving a divorce in Memphis and have children you will be required to file a parenting plan with the court along with your divorce papers.
Q: Who has to fill out a Parenting Plan?
A: The parties or their attorneys fill out the Parenting Plan. If the parties cannot agree to the terms of a Permanent or Temporary Parenting Plan, each parent files his or her own Plan with the Court and will, usually go on to mediation to resolve the differences.
In Memphis when there is an uncontested divorce usually both parties will agree to everything that is to be included in the parenting plan and either the husband or wife will file it or have their Memphis divorce lawyer file it.
Q: Where do I get a Parenting Plan?
A: Tennessee Code Annotated §36-6-404 requires that a parenting plan form shall be used consistently by each court within the state that approves parenting plans pursuant to §36-6-403 or §36-6-404″. The form is to be used on and after July 1, 2005. The form and instructions are located here.
Your Memphis divorce lawyer will have the proper form that is required. If you would like to see what these forms look like read our previous post here for an example.
Q: Who fills out the Parenting Plan, my lawyer or me?
A: You or your Memphis divorce lawyer can fill out the Parenting Plan. You may wish to have your lawyer help you (or your lawyer may wish to have you help him or her) fill out the details of the Plan.
Q: What if I don’t have a lawyer?
A: You can fill out the Plan by yourself and submit it to the Court for approval. If you and your spouse are in mediation, the mediator may help the two of you decide how to fill out the Plan once you have reached agreements on parts of the Plan.
Q: What if my spouse (or ex-spouse) and I don’t agree on some of the parts of the Parenting Plans?
A: You can use a mediator (on your own initiative or by order of the Court) to help you reach an agreement with your spouse. If mediation does not work, the Court will hold a hearing and will determine and order a Parenting Plan for you in the best interests of your children. This occurs most often in contested divorces.
Q: If my spouse filed a Parenting Plan, do I file my own Parenting Plan?
A: If you and your spouse agree on the Parenting Plan submitted to the Court, then you do not need to file a Plan of your own. If you do not agree with all of the parts of the Plan submitted by your spouse, then you should file your own Plan. With respect to a Temporary Parenting Plan, the new law requires that “each party shall submit a proposed temporary parenting plan and a verified statement of income as defined by title 36, chapter 5, and a verified statement that the plan is proposed in good faith and is in the best interest of the child.” T.C.A. § 36-6-403(a)(2). With respect to a Permanent Parenting Plan, the law requires that “[i]f the parties have not reached agreement on a permanent parenting plan on or before forty-five (45) days before the date set for trial, each party shall file and serve a proposed permanent parenting plan, even though the parties may continue to mediate or negotiate. Failure to comply by a party may result in the court’s adoption of the plan filed by the opposing party if the court finds such plan to be in the best interests of the child.” T.C.A. § 36-6-404(c)(3).
Q: When do I file my Parenting Plan?
A: The Local Rules of the Court determine the specifics of when to file your Parenting Plan. In Memphis divorces you will file your proposed Temporary Plan with the divorce Complaint (if you are the plaintiff), Petition (if you are the Petitioner), Response (if you are the respondent), or Answer (if you are the defendant). The proposed Permanent Parenting Plan is generally filed prior to 45 days before the date set for the trial. T.C.A. § 36-6-404(c)(3).
Q: Where do I file my Parenting Plan?
A: The Parenting Plan is filed with the Clerk of the Court. The Clerk will then enter the Plan into the case file for the Judge or Chancellor to look over. Most Memphis divorces are filed with the Shelby County Circuit Clerk.
What is a Parenting Plan?
April 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
As Memphis divorce lawyers we know that someone facing divorce have many questions, especially when there are children involved. One of the most frequent questions we hear in our Germantown law office is “What is a Parenting Plan?”
A Parenting Plan is way for Memphis parents who are divorcing (or even divorced) to plan for the parenting of their children after a divorce. The Parenting Plan recognizes that it is vitally important that the parent-child relationship remain as close as possible to help ensure the welfare of the child. In most situations, children do best when they receive the emotional and financial support of both parents. Every component of the Parenting Plan is designed to focus on the child’s best interest.
Development of a permanent Parenting Plan for those who are going through both uncontested and contested divorces provides parents with an opportunity to establish a road map for future parenting of the child. If the plan is properly set up and thought out it can can serve as a successful tool in reducing conflict between the divorcing parents. It is vital however that the plan is prepared in thoughtful, rational discussion rather than in heated emotional exchanges. It removes legal jargon and replaces it with common, everyday terms, and sets the framework to develop a family reorganization. The Plan can work to preserve family relationships. It encourages both parents to make their children the number one priority, and to see the need for the children to maintain a close, continuing relationship with each parent. The Parenting Plan enables both parents to remain involved in major decisions including education, religion, and medical care.
The Parenting Plan attempts to move away from the concepts of “custody” and “visitation” to emphasize the concept of “parenting responsibilities.” The overall goal and objective of the Plan is to lessen the hostility and encourage parents to work cooperatively in the best interests of their children. As parents working together, you will make the major decisions including education, religion, and medical care. You will make the decisions on how to resolve future issues as you continue to parent your children.
If you would actually like to see an example of what a parenting plan looks like see our previous post here.
Tips for Memphis Parents: Going Green after a Divorce
March 31, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“With children splitting their time between mom’s house and dad’s house, green parenting not only makes sense for the environment, it also helps with the pocketbook. These green parenting tips not only help save on resources, they also help pave the way to cooperative parenting after divorce.”
The Lawyers of the Ferrell Law Firm utilize the recycling services of the City of Germantown and the City of Memphis. In addition to the tips below, here are some additional resources on the web.
Green Parenting After Divorce
By Brette Sember
More and more parents are thinking about ways they can be green (act in a way that helps preserve the environment). Lots of people are buying organic, changing to compact fluorescent bulbs, driving hybrids, and taking other steps to help minimize negative effects on the earth. You might not think that the way you parent after divorce could have an impact on the environment, but in fact there are lots of things you can do to be a greener divorced parent.
No Copies
Many divorced parents make arrangements with their child’s school for each parent to receive individual copes of progress reports, conference notifications, test results, event notices and so on. If you take a look at the amount of paper you’re getting from your child’s school and then think about the fact that it’s all being duplicated to the other parent, that’s a lot of dead trees. If your school is not equipped to switch to email notifications, you can still reduce your carbon footprint. Arrange to have these papers sent to only one parent. Then, either send them along to the other parent, or scan them and email them to him so he gets them too.
Reduce Driving
I would never suggest that you reduce visitation in order to reduce miles driven - your child’s relationship with the other parent is too important. However, there are things you can do to make the transportation smarter. First, take a look at the schedule. Is your child being picked up or returned home at rush hour? If so, the parent driving is using additional gas sitting in traffic. Adjusting times to avoid rush hour can make a big difference.
Also, consider what the schedule looks like. Is your ex taking your child on Thursday evening, returning her that night and then coming and getting her again on Friday for a weekend? Why not increase the visitation to last from Thursday through Sunday (and then make a decrease somewhere else to even things out)? You and your ex can also try to make visitation transportation multi-purpose. If you need to go to the grocery store, stop there on your way back from dropping your child off instead of making a separate trip. If your child goes to ballet half an hour after returning home from visitation, why not extend visitation and have your ex drop her off there instead?
Think about Secondhand
The non-custodial parent likely has a bedroom for your child. Consider furnishing this room with secondhand items. If your child visits only every other weekend, it’s not a very good investment to buy a brand new bedroom set. Likewise, a non-custodial parent could comfortably use a secondhand stroller, high chair, bicycle and other child and baby items since they will get infrequent use.
Unplug
If your child has a TV or computer in his room, unplug it when he is with the other parent. Do the same thing for video game machines like Playstation or Wii. Don’t leave his iPod plugged in to charge the entire time he’s away either. Make sure lights and fans are off in your child’s room while he is gone.
Resolve Disputes
One of the biggest ways to preserve resources is to work with your ex to solve any problems that come up with parenting on your own. If you go to court, you generate a tremendous amount of paperwork and use a lot of resources for something you may have been able to compromise on by yourselves.
Educate Your Co-Parent
If you’re dedicated to being a green parent, talk with your co-parent. Not only can you find ways together to reduce the amount of resources you’re using, but you can also offer him some information about the benefits of organic foods for your child.
Copyright 2008. Brette McWhorter Sember is a retired family attorney and mediator and nationally known expert about divorce and parenting after divorce. She is the author of How to Parent with Your Ex
Source of post: Women’s Divorce Blog
Resources for Memphis Parents: Mayo Clinic Report on Helping Children Cope with Divorce
March 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Please refer to the Mayo Clinic original posting to print this article in it’s entirety.
Divorce: Helping your child cope with the breakup
Divorce is stressful — and explaining to your child why mom and dad are calling it quits is easier said than done. Consider these practical tips to ease the adjustment.
Divorce is stressful for the entire family. Your child may feel as though his or her world has turned upside down. But there’s good news. You can make your child’s adjustment to the divorce much easier simply by choosing to interact responsibly with your spouse.
How to break the news
It’s best if you and your spouse can tell your child about the divorce together. Speak honestly and simply, and skip the ugly details. You might say, “Your mom (or dad) and I have been having trouble getting along, so we think it’s best for us to live apart.”
Make sure your child understands that divorce is only between adults. Remind your child — repeatedly if necessary — that he or she did nothing to cause the divorce and that both of you love your child as much as ever.
Expect a mix of reactions
Initially, your child may be most interested in concrete things. Where will I live? Do I need to change schools? Who will take me to swimming lessons? As you work out the terms of the divorce, try to maintain your child’s routine as much as possible — or be quick to establish a new routine. Knowing what to expect will help your child feel more secure.
But soon, the reality of divorce will settle in. A younger child might respond to the stress by reverting to behavior he or she had previously outgrown, such as sucking on a pacifier or wetting the bed. A resurgence of separation anxiety may strike as well. Help your child put his or her feelings into words.
An older child might respond to the stress with a mix of emotions — anger, anxiety, grief or even relief. If your child’s anger turns inward, he or she may become depressed or withdrawn. Anger can have the opposite effect, too, causing a child to act out or develop behavior issues. Encourage your child to share his or her feelings as openly as possible.
Keep your child out of the fight
How your child adapts to the divorce is largely dependent on how you and your spouse act, especially toward each other.
- Don’t force your child to choose sides.
- Don’t use your child as a messenger or go-between.
- Don’t argue or discuss child support issues in front of your child.
- Don’t pump your child for information about the other parent.
- Don’t use your child as a pawn to hurt the other parent.
Most importantly, don’t speak badly about your spouse in front of your child. Children often identify themselves in terms of both parents. If you continually criticize the other parent, your child may begin to doubt himself or herself, too. Instead, respect your child’s relationship with the other parent.
Don’t bend the rules
It may be tempting to relax your parental rules while your child grieves over the divorce. But this will only make your child feel more insecure. Children thrive on consistency, structure and routine — even if they insist on testing the boundaries and limits. If your child shares time between two households, it’s important for the rules to be similar in both homes.
Counseling can help
You might feel so hurt or overwhelmed by your divorce that you turn to your child for comfort and direction. But that’s not your child’s role. For help sorting through your feelings, you might join a divorce support group or seek counseling through a social service agency or mental health center.
Your child may also benefit from counseling, especially if he or she feels sad or angry or develops:
- Oppositional or defiant behavior
- Changes in personality
- Academic or peer problems
- Irrational fears or compulsive behavior
- Sleep or eating problems
Put your child first
During a divorce, interacting with your spouse might be the last thing you want to do — but it’s important. Your child needs both of you. Work out custody arrangements and other details with your child’s best interests in mind. Remember that a bitter or prolonged custody battle may take a serious toll on your child’s mental health. Instead, help your child maintain a strong, loving relationship with the other parent as you work toward meeting common parenting goals. For your child, support from both parents may be the best tool for weathering the challenges of divorce.
Copyright 1998-2008
Get Real Memphis: the emotional side of divorce
March 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The lawyers at Ferrell Law Firm can assist, advise and advocate for you in all the legal processes of your Memphis divorce. We handle uncontested and contested matters, negotiate and settle children’s and support issues and represent non-filing parties. The lawyers at Ferrell Law Firm handle matters diligently, competently, and timely but not to the expense of your well-being. It is very important to us that your emotional well-being be handled as thoroughly as your legal needs. Please read the following excerpt. If you are contemplating divorce, in additional to securing our legal representation, make sure that your also secure financial, medical, therapeutic, and spiritual help as well.
The following is an excerpt from the book Make Any Divorce Better!
by Ed Sherman
The Real Divorce is Free
Before digging into the legal divorce, let’s look at your real divorce — how you feel right now. This is about ending one life and starting another, getting a new center of balance and making it work — spiritually, emotionally and practically.
The state of your emotions has great practical significance. In order to make sound decisions — indeed, to solve any problems — you need to be aware of your inner condition and, often, that of your spouse. You need to know how to deal with emotional issues and how not to get stuck in psychological traps.
Understanding basic things about how the real divorce works will help you in dealing with yourself, your spouse, your legal divorce and your list of practical problems.
Possibly the most real thing in your life right now is the way you feel. Nothing else is as real as your pain, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, tension, nervousness, illness, depression — whatever it is you are feeling. The practical tasks you face are also very real — how to get by financially, how to rearrange the parenting of your children, what to say to family and friends, what to do next, and so on. Your real divorce, then, presents these challenges:
- Emotional:This is about breaking (or failing to break) the bonds, patterns, dependencies, and habits that attach you to your ex-spouse — learning to let go and get beyond anger, fear, hurt, guilt, blame, and resentment. Over time, you learn about past mistakes so you don’t have to repeat them; you develop a balanced view of yourself, your ex-spouse, and your marriage; you create self-confidence and an openness to new intimate relationships.
- Physical:Our minds and bodies are not separate. Emotions — especially strong ones that are ignored, denied or repressed — are . During divorce, people tend to experience a lot of tension, nervousness, and insecurity. They get ill frequently and have accidents. This is a time when you must focus on relaxation and take extra good care of your health.
- Practical:This is about taking care of business, including your legal divorce. It’s the nuts and bolts of what to do, where to go, how to get there as you begin to build a new life for yourself. You need to create safety and security for yourself and your children; to make ends meet in a new lifestyle that produces what you need and needs no more than you can produce — in other words, living within your new level of income.
In contrast to the real divorce, the legal divorce is specifically about property, custody, support and, in high-conflict cases, keeping the peace. Whatever you go through to get it, what you end up with is a bit of paper with court orders written on it. So, what does the legal divorce accomplish for your real divorce? Surprisingly little, as you will see — it is just a subcategory of the practical real divorce.
But the legal divorce does have important symbolic value. When you file those papers, it makes an important statement to your spouse, to yourself and to the world that a decision has been made, a new identity and a new direction has been chosen. In practical terms, it forces you to deal with some of your important practical issues (property, custody and support). That’s about it for the legal divorce.
The real divorce is what your life is about and how you go about it — this is your real work in life. And, unless you decide to get counseling or go into therapy, the real divorce doesn’t cost a dime. It is, however, very costly in terms of personal effort, but here, too, you can reduce the cost by learning to avoid common traps. Going through major life changes — in other words, recreating your life — is demanding, painful, hard work, but it may be the most important work you ever do.
Copyright © 2007 Ed Sherman
Source of post: About.com : Divorce Support
A Dozen Ways Children of Divorce get caught in their Parents’ Conflict : Part 3 : Specially posted for Memphis Parents
March 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“Every divorcing parent should make it their top priority to keep their children from getting caught in the middle of the conflict of their divorce.”
The following is the third installment of tips and thoughts are from James Roberts, RSW, a licensed social worker in Missouri and Kansas and family therapist in Kansas. Mr. Roberts practices with Madison Avenue Psychological Services in Kansas City Missouri. See the March 24, 2008 post below for tips 1-4 and March 26, 2008 post below for tips 5-8. Source of post: Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog
9. Child Abuse Allegations
It is becoming common for conflicting parents to express their hostilities by making unfounded allegations of child abuse. For children the consequences of these allegations are negative and far-reaching. Children are drawn into evaluations, investigations, and court testimony which greatly increase the risk of prolonged confusion, hurt, and anger.
10. Custody Fights
Some parents pursue custody fights when they know perfectly well that the real reason for the custody action is to be vindictive. Children experience custody battles between their parents as extremely stressful.
11. Child Support
Parents too often use child support by withholding it, demanding more, or making payments late when the real motivation is to perpetuate a dispute with the former spouse. In many homes children suffer directly when child support payments are not made regularly or when conflict is expressed indirectly in this way.
12. Using Noble Ideas to Hide Double Standards
A custodial parent might say “i want her to make her own decisions” when a child refused to visit the non-custodial parent but strictly enforce curfews when the same child wants to stay out late. A custodial parent might say “He has the right to his own feelings” if a child says critical things about his non-custodial parent but lecture and browbeat the same child for “talking back” at home. Children are sensitive to inconsistencies. They react to them with mistrust and cynicism
A Dozen Ways Children of Divorce get caught in their Parents’ Conflict : Part 2 : Specially posted for Memphis Parents
March 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“Every divorcing parent should make it their top priority to keep their children from getting caught in the middle of the conflict of their divorce.”
The following is the second installment of tips and thoughts are from James Roberts, RSW, a licensed social worker in Missouri and Kansas and family therapist in Kansas. Mr. Roberts practices with Madison Avenue Psychological Services in Kansas City Missouri. See the March 24, 2008 post below for tips 1-4. Source of post: Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog
5. Sabotaging the Child’s Routine
When parents fail to give a child medication, fail to follow through on discipline imposed by the other parent, or bend rules on bed-time, diet, or curfews out of anger for the other parent, they are involving the child in parental conflicts. conflicted parents frequently take their children to medical professionals without consulting the other parents as a way of acting out unresolved divorce disputes. This practice places parental conflict above the child’s medical well-being.
6. Compensating for the Other Parent’s Failures
One divorced parent may view the other parent as a poor parent for being “too lenient”, “too strict”, “too involved”, or “not involved enough”. Such parents often try to compensate for the other parent’s “failures’ by being the opposite kind of parent. Children in such situations suffer by not having parents who are using a balanced approach to rearing children.
7. Making a Popularity Contest of Parenthood
A parent may try to win the affection of a child out of fear that the child favors the other parent. such parents go overboard to “be nice” or refrain from being firm with their children. Children suffer in these situations by not having the advantage of a parent who is acting in the proper role of authority figure.
8. Being an Accomplice to Whining
A parent may allow a child to complain about the other parents without helping the child see a more balanced view of the other parent. If the parents either passively accepts the complaint or fails to urge the children to take up these grievances with the other parent they subtly encourage children to use indirect communication as a way of managing conflict.
9. Child Abuse Allegations
It is becoming common for conflicting parents to express their hostilities by making unfounded allegations of child abuse. For children the consequences of these allegations are negative and far-reaching. Children are drawn into evaluations, investigations, and court testimony which greatly increase the risk of prolonged confusion, hurt, and anger.
The remaining 4 tips will appear in a future post
A Dozen Ways Children of Divorce get caught in their Parents’ Conflict : Part 1 : Specially posted for Memphis Parents
March 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“Every divorcing parent should make it their top priority to keep their children from getting caught in the middle of the conflict of their divorce.”
The following tips and thoughts are from James Roberts, RSW, a licensed social worker in Missouri and Kansas and family therapist in Kansas. Mr. Roberts practices with Madison Avenue Psychological Services in Kansas City Missouri. Source of post : Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog
1. Bad Mouthing
One of the most hurtful things a divorce parent can do to a child is to criticize the child’s other parent in the child’s presence. Statements such as “Your father caused our divorce”, or “if it weren’t for your mother, we’d still be a family,” are common examples of “bad-mouthing”
2. Forcing a Child To Choose
It is harmful to pressure a child to “take sides” in a dispute between the divorced parents. Children have a right to their own thoughts and feelings about the divorce and deserve to know they will be loved by both parents regardless of the opinions and feelings they have. If parents are in conflict over custody and children are facing a decision about which home to live in outside professionals should be called upon for help.
3. Spying
A parent who asks a child questions about the other parent’s personal life is asking that child to become involved in the parents’ conflicts. Children in this situation may end up feeling they have betrayed a parent they love.
4. Making the Child the Messenger
Parents make their children do a parent’s job when they ask their children to carry messages to the other parent. Children learn indirect ways to communicate when asked to be messengers and may feel guilt over having to assume adult responsibilities for their parents’ communication
The remainder of James Robert’s list will be posted to this blog in two future articles. As Memphis Divorce Lawyers we take the time to research and repost helpful information from around the country and the world for our local clients.
