Updated List of Memphis Parenting Class Providers

If you have minor children and are going through a divorce here in Memphis by law you MUST attend a parenting class or seminar.

Section 36-6-408 of the Tennessee Code requires that any time a parenting plan is entered with the court both parents are required to attend a parent education seminar. You are required to attend this seminar and show proof of your completion of the class by providing the court with certificate of completion from one of the approved providers listed below.

The list of providers here in Memphis was just recently updated. And I would like to thank Memphis divorce counselor and parenting class provider Willie Holcomb of Adult, Child and Family Counseling for notifying me of this.

Here is the list of providers for this service.

Please remember that you need to complete this class within 60 days of your divorce complaint being filed.

Adult, Child and Family Counseling
Willie Holcomb
2964 Ole Bartlett Court, Suite #6
Bartlett, TN  38134
Phone: (901) 237-4969
Fax/Phone: (901) 881-6171
www.acfcounseling.com

The Exchange Club Family Center
2180 Union Avenue
Memphis, TN  38104
Phone: (901) 276-2200
Fax: (901) 276-6828

Paula Honeycutt / Children of Divorce
P O Box 38774
Germantown, TN  38183-0774
Phone:  (901) 755-7747
Fax:  (901) 737-1534

Jewish Family Service
6560 Poplar Avenue
Memphis, TN 38138
(901) 767-8511

Christian Psychological Center
3978 Central Avenue
Memphis, TN  38111
Phone:  (901 458-6291
Fax:  (901) 323-4848

Doyle Family Counseling
Matt Doyle
110 Timbercreek Drive
Cordova, TN 38018-4234
(901) 309-0719

Family Services of the Mid-South
David Frankle
2430 Poplar Avenue
(901) 324-3637

Mind-Steps
6401 Poplar Avenue, Suite 306
Memphis, TN 38119
(901) 869-0520

Turning Point Counseling
Bobby Scott, MA, LMTT
7183 Goodman Rd, Suite D
Olive Branch, MS
(662) 893-6556

Southwest TN Community College
Continuing Education
5983 Macon Road
Memphis, TN 38138
(901) 333-4207 or (901) 333-4208

University of Tennessee
Agricultural Extension Service
5565 Shelby Oaks Drive
Memphis, TN 38134
(901) 544-0243

How to prepare your children for divorce

My friend, and Virginia divorce attorney, Charlie Hofheimer has a great post over on his site discussing how to prepare your children for divorce, click the link to read his entire post.

He raises some good points that ring true no matter if you’re located in Virginia or Memphis, Tennessee.

The two key points are:

1. You should both sit down with your children and discuss a pending divorce. Don’t just leave it up to one parent to do this. You both need to be involved.
2. Make sure that you explicitly explain that your divorce was not caused by anything that your children did. I can’t stress this enough. Do NOT let them think for even a moment that they played any role in your pending divorce.

Memphis divorce lawyers at the Ferrell Law Firm are here to help you with any type of family law issue that you may be facing. Call us at 901.881.6353 or drop by our office at 2255 S. Germantown Road, Germantown, TN 38138.

A Dozen Ways Children of Divorce get caught in their Parents’ Conflict : Part 3 : Specially posted for Memphis Parents

One our readers just pointed out that I never followed up on part 3 of  how children get caught up in their parents divorce. Please accept my apologies. Here is the final part of this series.

You can view part 1 of this series Here and part 2 Here.

9.     Child Abuse Allegations

It is becoming common for conflicting parents to express their hostilities by making unfounded allegations of child abuse.  For children the consequences of these allegations are negative and far-reaching.  Children are drawn into evaluations, investigations, and court testimony which greatly increase the risk of prolonged confusion, hurt, and anger.

10.     Custody Fights

Some parents pursue custody fights when they know perfectly well that the real reason for the custody action is to be vindictive.  Children experience custody battles between their parents as extremely stressful.

11.     Child Support

Parents too often use child support by withholding it, demanding more, or making payments late when the real motivation is to perpetuate a dispute with the former spouse.  In many homes children suffer directly when child support payments are not made regularly or when conflict is expressed indirectly in this way.

12.     Using Noble Ideas to Hide Double Standards

A custodial parent might say “i want her to make her own decisions” when a child refused to visit the non-custodial parent but strictly enforce curfews when the same child wants to stay out late.  A custodial parent might say “He has the right to his own feelings” if a child says critical things about his non-custodial parent but lecture and browbeat the same child for “talking back” at home.  Children are sensitive to inconsistencies.  They react to them with mistrust and cynicism.

Thanks go to the Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog for the original content.

Mother’s don’t automatically get custody of the children in a divorce?

The factors that go into determining child custody in a divorce are many, and are not cut and dry.  Laws in Tennessee and Mississippi provide several considerations for judges to reflect on before appointing one parent or the other as the primary residential parent. One factor is made explicitly irrelevant though: both states refuse to allow the gender of the parent to affect whether or not they are named the primary residential parent:

Tennessee Law States:

“It is the legislative intent that the gender of the party seeking to be the primary residential parent shall not give rise to a presumption of parental fitness or cause a presumption in favor of or against such party.”  -  Tennessee Code § 36-6-412

Mississippi Law Says:

“There shall be no presumption that it is in the best interest of a child that a mother be awarded either legal or physical custody.”  -  Mississippi Code § 93-5-24 

We have found this especially difficult to get parents to believe, on both sides – as a mother, you are not guaranteed custody simply for being female, and as a father, you are not automatically denied custody simply for being a male.

Do not make assumptions without knowing the laws regarding your case. Contact a good Memphis divorce lawyer or Memphis child custody lawyer today to learn more about the factors that are relevant when determining child custody!

New Tennessee law looks at paternity issues

On the legislative news front, the Tennessee House of Representatives today postponed voting on a child support bill that has been much debated by sending it back to the judiciary committee.  The proposed bill would allow a person that is found to not be the father of a child to recover child support payments he had already paid out from the actual biological father. 

The bill is sponsored by Rep. Stacey Campfield (R-Knoxville), and is being debated over the potential psychological impact such actions may have on the children involved.  Democrat Rep. Sherry Jones argues that the bill is “terrible for children” in its ability to tear kids away from the men they’ve known as fathers.  You can follow the bill’s journey by clicking here. 

We can understand both sides of this contested bill – while it must be frustrating to have made child support payments only to discover you are not the biological father of a child, it can be equally emotionally difficult on the child’s behalf to come to the same realization and deal with the consequences of that, including a lengthy legal process that can make it seem to be all about the money to the child. 

The only recommendation we have for this kind of situation is to be sure of paternity before a divorce is final – this way all parties are clear from the get-go, support is being paid from the correct source, and the children are able to come to terms with any changes at an already changeful time in their lives.

The Best Laid Plans; What to do When your Child Support Agreement is Not Working

     Circumstances change, especially when it comes to estimating expenses and income when arranging child support.  The payments you receive may not be enough to support your child, or you may not be able to afford your payments.  If there has been a substantial change in the circumstances of the child or the parent, then the proper response may be a child support modification.  For example, Mississippi courts have held that the following events, if unforseen at the time of the last settlement,  may warrant a modification.

• The increased financial needs of older children
• Inflation
• An increase in childs physical or psychological healthcare needs
• A change in either parents earning capacity
• Any health issues or special needs of the parents
• Tax liability of the noncustodial payor

     Generally an increase in child support payed is supported by an increase in parental income or in the cost of raising the child, including the childs decision to attend college.  Decreases in child support payment will be granted for non-voluntary reductions in the payors income, the emancipation of the child, or upon the child chosing to move in with the non-custodial parent.  A modification will not be granted on the basis of new debt, remarriage, or the birth of additional children.

      If you have any questions about your Mississippi or Memphis child support agreement, or if you have been contacted about a child support modification,  please contact the Ferrell Firm. Our Memphis divorce lawyers can help you through the entire child support payment process.

“Gap Year” before College: What can this trend mean for divorcing parents?

Upon reading an interesting article from MSNBC.com Parenting and Family Section about universities encouraging students to take a “gap year” between graduating high school and starting college, our Memphis Divorce and Family Lawyers wanted some feed back from local parents.

Should your child have a ‘gap year’ before college?

Some students need a break after high school — and some colleges approve

Video

By Danielle Wood

updated 3:58 p.m. CT, Tues., April. 22, 2008

So what does that mean for divorcing parents in Memphis?  As everyone know, the legal obligation to pay child support ends when your child turns 18 or essentially finishes high school.  But any parent can agree, they aren’t turning their child loose at 18 either.  Co-parenting your child is a relationship that will continue well after your legal obligations have ceased.

 In addition to the suggested issues and solutions from the article, here are few more thoughts on the topic:

Have the Money Talk…make sure you, your spouse and your child understand where the money is coming from and making a budget for the year.  Your child may not fully understand the legal nature of child support, and you don’t want the embarrassing situation that can arise when they question why no longer are paying/receiving.

Get In First… don’t encourage the year off as a last ditch retaliation. Don’t all your teenager to manipulate your separation as a means to avoid growing up and taking responsibility.

Create a Plan B… if your child does not get into the college of their choice, don’t blame the other parent.  Encourage your child to work or go to community college to improve their competitiveness.  Remember that even though the legal obligation may cease, your child is still relying on you to emotionally support them.

Put it in Writing… having your child lat out their gap year plans in paper, is not part of your divorce agreement.  Be honest with your children, but don’t explain the terms of property division or support agreements that won’t mesh with your child’s planning efforts.  You’ll always be your child’s parent.

Tips for Memphis Parents: Be a Gracious Co-Parent

Co-parenting can be hard. It’s not always easy to be a gracious primary residential parent, nor is it always easy to be the alternative resident either. Try to let go of the anger that led to the divorce and do your best to help foster the relationship between your child(ren) and your former spouse. The marriage is over, there was probably a lot of hurt, but the children should not be tools for revenge. Be gracious in your role.

1. Be flexible.Your ex only has the kids for short visits. If there is a hiccup in his or her schedule be gracious enough to trade weekends or meet them at a halfway point if they have a long drive. Since child support is tied to visitation days, unless there is more than a 15% change in planned days and actual days, you should just work out small changes.

2. Be proactive. Send report cards and progress reports with kids or in the mail or email. Send a school schedule and let the other parent know when the spelling bee is, and where. Often alternate residential parents feel out of the loop. It can also be difficult for you ex to get information from schools directly if the proper releases aren’t arranged. Don’t rely on your kids to inform the other parent either, it’s not their responsibility.

3. Send circus tickets with the kids. I’m not kidding. Alternative residential parents love their children too, but child support payments can make it difficult to enjoy extras with the kids. This is about the best interest of the children. If your ex has some fun too, then so be it.

4.Consult with your ex before you make plans. Many alternate residential parents show up for their weekends only to find out that the primary residential parent has already accepted an invitation for a birthday party or a sleepover for Junior. Call first. If calling, becomes shouting. Email. It’s only fair. Alternate residential parents want the children to have fun too. They just want some heads up. You’d be surprised how often they would say, ‘yes.’

 

5. Return phone calls. How is the alternate residential parent supposed to know that the children are in the bathtub or shower? One major complaint of alternate residential parents is that they can never get through to their kids. If the alternate residential parent is calling at the wrong time, have the children call.

 

6. Use litigation as a last resort. Child support late or less than it should be? Don’t let the first call be to the lawyer. Try to work out a plan to pay the arrearage. If you don’t need the money…shhhh, forget it.

 

Our Memphis Divorce Lawyers strive to make sure that parents understand the helpfulness of a meaningful Permanent Parenting Plan. Always remember that your child(ren) will grow up and life will change, therefore your parenting plan will always be there. But the parenting plan is not intended to be an 18 year iron static contract, you and your spouse must always keep it in mind, refer to it, and evaluate and amend as necessary. When you sign the parenting plan, you are agreeing to make a good faith effort to resolve non-financial support related parenting issues between yourselves or seeking a neutral third party to assist you. Our Memphis Divorce Lawyers can advise you throughout the process.

Maintaining custody is a privilege that not every one enjoys. It should not be a tool to abuse or take revenge on your former spouse.

Source of post: Dads Divorce and www.cordellcordell.com ©

What is a Parenting Plan?

As Memphis divorce lawyers we know that someone facing divorce have many questions, especially when there are children involved. One of the most frequent questions we hear in our Germantown law office is “What is a Parenting Plan?”

A Parenting Plan is way for Memphis parents who are divorcing (or even divorced) to plan for the parenting of their children after a divorce. The Parenting Plan recognizes that it is vitally important that the parent-child relationship remain as close as possible to help ensure the welfare of the child. In most situations, children do best when they receive the emotional and financial support of both parents. Every component of the Parenting Plan is designed to focus on the child’s best interest.

Development of a permanent Parenting Plan for those who are going through both uncontested and contested divorces provides parents with an opportunity to establish a road map for future parenting of the child. If the plan is properly set up and thought out it can can serve as a successful tool in reducing conflict between the divorcing parents. It is vital however that the plan is prepared in thoughtful, rational discussion rather than in heated emotional exchanges. It removes legal jargon and replaces it with common, everyday terms, and sets the framework to develop a family reorganization. The Plan can work to preserve family relationships. It encourages both parents to make their children the number one priority, and to see the need for the children to maintain a close, continuing relationship with each parent. The Parenting Plan enables both parents to remain involved in major decisions including education, religion, and medical care.

The Parenting Plan attempts to move away from the concepts of “custody” and “visitation” to emphasize the concept of “parenting responsibilities.” The overall goal and objective of the Plan is to lessen the hostility and encourage parents to work cooperatively in the best interests of their children. As parents working together, you will make the major decisions including education, religion, and medical care. You will make the decisions on how to resolve future issues as you continue to parent your children.

If you would actually like to see an example of what a parenting plan looks like see our previous post here.

A Dozen Ways Children of Divorce get caught in their Parents’ Conflict : Part 2 : Specially posted for Memphis Parents

“Every divorcing parent should make it their top priority to keep their children from getting caught in the middle of the conflict of their divorce.” 

The following is the second installment of tips and thoughts are from James Roberts, RSW, a licensed social worker  in Missouri and Kansas and family therapist in Kansas.  Mr. Roberts practices with Madison Avenue Psychological Services in Kansas City Missouri.  See the March 24, 2008 post below for tips 1-4. Source of post: Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog

5.     Sabotaging the Child’s Routine

When parents fail to give a child medication, fail to follow through on discipline imposed by the other parent, or bend rules on bed-time, diet, or curfews out of anger for the other parent, they are involving the child in parental conflicts.  conflicted parents frequently take their children to medical professionals without consulting the other parents as a way of acting out unresolved divorce disputes.  This practice places parental conflict above the child’s medical well-being.

6.     Compensating for the Other Parent’s Failures

One divorced parent may view the other parent as a poor parent for being “too lenient”, “too strict”, “too involved”, or “not involved enough”.  Such parents often try to compensate for the other parent’s “failures’ by being the opposite kind of parent.  Children in such situations suffer by not having parents who are using a balanced approach to rearing children.

7.     Making a Popularity Contest of Parenthood

A parent may try to win the affection of a child out of fear that the child favors the other parent.  such parents go overboard to “be nice” or refrain from being firm with their children. Children suffer in these situations by not having the advantage of a parent who is acting in the proper role of authority figure.

8.     Being an Accomplice to Whining

A parent may allow a child to complain about the other parents without helping the child see a more balanced view of the other parent.  If the parents either passively accepts the complaint or fails to urge the children to take up these grievances with the other parent they subtly encourage children to use indirect communication as a way of managing conflict.

9.     Child Abuse Allegations

It is becoming common for conflicting parents to express their hostilities by making unfounded allegations of child abuse.  For children the consequences of these allegations are negative and far-reaching.  Children are drawn into evaluations, investigations, and court testimony which greatly increase the risk of prolonged confusion, hurt, and anger.

The remaining 4 tips will appear in a future post

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