How much Alimony will I get?

It’s a common question we hear in our Marital Assessment Interviews (i.e., consultations): “How much alimony will I get?

It seems like a simple enough question. After all, we can tell you exactly how much child support the Primary Residential Parent is entitled to receive in any given situation, so why is this not the case with alimony? ALIMONY wood blocks

Alimony amounts vary a lot from case to case. There are two reasons for this. One is that alimony, unlike child support, is what we call highly fact-specific; that is, it is determined based on the individual situation in each case.

The court is instructed by statute (Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-5-121(i), to be exact) to consider factors such as the relative needs, future earning capacity, age, physical and mental condition, education, assets, and financial obligations of each party; the length of the marriage; the standard of living the parties had during the marriage; and who is at fault for the divorce.

The court is not told exactly how much weight to give each factor, or what factors (if any) should be definitive in deciding the amount and type of alimony to award. (You can read more about the different types of alimony on our earlier blog post here.) Recently, the Tennessee Supreme Court told judges that the two most important factors should be the receiving spouse’s need for alimony and the other spouse’s ability to pay it (Gonsewski v. Gonsewski), but this guidance really does not seem to clarify much at all, because need and ability to pay are also highly fact-specific.

This brings us to the second reason why alimony amounts vary so much from case to case: Differences between judges.

The judges and chancellors of Shelby County are, as a whole, intelligent, fair, and dedicated to doing the right thing. But judges are still human beings, not computers. They are influenced by what they hear and see in the courtroom and by their prior experience. The truth is that the exact same facts presented in exactly the same way to two different judges could result in two different awards.

 As an example, let’s talk about two cases, both of which came from courts in East Tennessee.

  • In the first one, Magill v. Magill, the husband was 47 and made approximately $4,000 per month. The wife, meanwhile, was 42 years old and made about $1,000 per month. The parties had been married for 17 years. The court awarded Mrs. Magill $600 per month in rehabilitative alimony for only 48 months, plus a small amount in attorney fees.
  • Contrast this case with Farnham v. Farnham. Mr. Farnham was 41, made about $5,000 per month, and was at fault for the divorce. Mrs. Farnham was 51, on disability, and made about $1,000 per month. The parties had been married for 17 years, just like the Magills. But the court awarded Mrs. Farnham $800 per month in alimony in futuro. Unlike Mrs. Magill, who only received four years’ worth of alimony, Mrs. Farnham was guaranteed a monthly alimony payment until her death or remarriage.

What seemed like very small differences in the two cases produced very different results. These cases, along with thousands of others decided by Tennessee courts, demonstrate how hard it is to predict alimony awards in this state.

At the Ferrell Law Firm, we can and will estimate for our clients what a fair alimony number might be, but it can only be an estimate. We would love to be able to tell you exactly how much you’re going to receive, but we just can’t do that because of the reasons mentioned above. And neither can any other divorce lawyer or law firm – no matter what they might try to tell you. In fact, if you talk with another divorce attorney and they “guarantee” a certain result or number I advise you to run away fast. The best divorce lawyers in Memphis know that guarantees are impossible.

Cost vs Benefits: Control your emotions if you want to control your divorce costs.

I recently read an article in the British news tabloid called The Telegraph, about a British couple, both lawyers, who got a divorce. They started the divorce with the equivalent of almost $3 million U.S. in assets between them. The divorce and its appeals are now over. The wife received about $150,000 and the husband actually owes more than he has! There are no other assets remaining from the marriage. Now, I don’t claim to know anything about the British legal system, but that seems like a pretty raw deal to me. Even the judge criticized them for the way they squandered their assets in their divorce process.

Divorce: The Cost vs Benefits

Divorce: The Cost vs Benefits

If you’d like to read the article yourself then you can find it by clicking right here.

This is a pretty incredible (but totally true) example of a couple who just did not weigh the cost vs. benefit before they started fighting…or, apparently, at any point during the fight. This couple let their rage and frustration with each other eat up a whopping 95% of everything they had. Their lawyers are undoubtedly eating very well now…but I wonder, did this ex-husband and ex-wife end up any happier than when they started the divorce process?

At the Ferrell Law Firm, we tell clients all the time that our attorneys will absolutely go to court and fight for them. And it’s true, we really will! We believe in our clients and strive to represent their interests at all times. But we also tell clients that they need to make sure the fight is worth the cost to them, because we hope to help them avoid the kind of regret this couple must be feeling now that the heat of the battle has dissipated

We are different from some other law firms, because to us it is not about the money we receive from you. Instead, it is about the results we achieve for you. In the end, we want you to be satisfied with the way things have worked out, and in order for that to happen, you need an honest, thorough analysis of the negatives and positives of any legal options you’re considering.

 

This post by Memphis, TN Divorce Attorney Lori Holyfield of the Ferrell Law Firm.

Why You Should Never Badmouth Your Spouse to Your Children – pt. 4

*This is the fourth and final installment in a series of posts on why you shouldn’t talk bad about your spouse to your children when going through a divorce. Part 1 can be read here, Part 2 here, and Part 3 here on our Memphis, TN Divorce Blog.

Reason # 4 – It Will Make the Judge Really Angry

This is somewhat related to my last post. There is very little in the world that makes a judge angrier than one parent poisoning the children against the other parent. Making a judge angry is a really bad idea. Making your judge angry is a really, really bad idea.

angry divorce judge

Tennessee has a firm policy against talking negatively about the other spouse to the children, so much so that every divorce complaint is required by Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-4-106 to contain an injunction restraining both parties from “making disparaging remarks about the other to or in the presence of any children of the parties.” If you have filed a divorce complaint in Tennessee (or been served with a divorce complaint your spouse has filed), then you are bound by this injunction. This injunction is considered an order of the court, and violating it could land you in hot water with the judge for contempt of court. Penalties for contempt could include a monetary fine or even jail time, and both of these things have actually happened before to people who violated injunctions.  That should tell you a little bit about how serious the Tennessee legislature and court system are about this kind of thing.

Similarly, by law in Tennessee, each parent has the right to be free of unwarranted derogatory remarks made to the child by the other parent, and most divorce settlements include language to this effect. Some judges feel so strongly about this that they require the parties to strike the word “unwarranted,” so that both parties are forbidden from making any derogatory remarks about the other parent, even if they are truthful.

Also, your willingness to foster a relationship with the other parent can, and sometimes does, factor into custody decisions. This is actually a factor listed in the law to be considered. If you are interfering with that relationship, that could spell trouble for your chances of a favorable custody outcome.

The point is, judges hate it when parents drag the kids into the middle of everything.  In a legal case, the judge is in charge.  Don’t tick off the person in charge. It sounds like common sense, but some people become so angry that they don’t stop to think about their actions. Be smart!

 

*This is the fourth and final installment in a series written by Lori Holyfield

Why You Should Never Badmouth Your Spouse to Your Children – pt. 3

*This is part 3 of our four part series. You can read part 1 on our Memphis divorce blog here. Part 2 can be found here. And part 4 can be found here.

Reason #3 – It Will Make You Look Like the Bad Guy in Court

Memphis Divorce bad guy

In the courtroom, as with a lot of other places, perception is reality.  When you go into court, especially in the context of a contested divorce, you want to look like the Good Guy.  You want the judge to like you.  If the judge gets to hear all about how you called your ex-spouse X, Y, and Z in front of your kids, even if your ex-spouse is ALL of those things (or worse), it still makes you look like the Bad Guy.  How?

  • You look angry and out-of-control.
  • You look bitter.
  • You look impulsive.
  • You look like you are trying to manipulate or poison your children.
  • You look like somebody who can’t sacrifice your own hurt feelings for the good of another person.
  • You look like someone who lacks essential parenting skills, or who treats your children as pawns or confidantes rather than as individuals you are responsible for raising.

Now, none of these things may actually be true about you.  You may be the most happy, in-control, pleasant, honest, kind, responsible, and self-sacrificing person in the world (in fact, I’m sure that you are).  But here’s the thing: as I said before, perception is reality.  In a divorce or a custody dispute, you only have a short window of time to impact the judge’s perception of you, and looking like the Bad Guy is Bad News for the outcome.  Trust me: take the high road.

 

*This series has been written by Lori Holyfield

Why You Should Never Badmouth Your Spouse to Your Children – pt. 2

This is part two of a four part series that began with The First post in this series on our Memphis Divorce Blog can be found here, third post of the series here, and the fourth and the final post in the series here.

Reason # 2 Your Children Could Eventually Blame You If You Hurt Their Relationship With the Other Parent

If your spouse is a terrible person, trust me, your children will eventually figure that out on their own.  They do not need your help to discover this, and if you attempt to bend or shape their opinion of their other parent while they are young, they will resent you later for it.  If you damage their relationship with the other parent by withholding visitation or otherwise cutting off communication without justification, they will blame you for problems they experience with the other parent later on – problems that may actually be your ex-spouse’s fault.

tips for Divorce with children in Memphis, TN

True story: I know someone (a friend, not a client) who still blames her mother for being so hostile to her father that he stopped visiting.  The reality is that if her father was dedicated enough, nothing in heaven or earth would have prevented him from having an appropriate relationship with his daughter.  That’s a fact, and that’s fine, but that is not the reality my friend is experiencing.  To her, it is all her mother’s fault.  It has permanently damaged her relationship with her mother.  Don’t set yourself up for a situation like this in the future.

Instead, handle your children’s relationship with their other parent in a mature fashion.  Realize that regardless of what this person has put you through, this person is still your children’s other parent.  Encourage your children to develop a relationship with your ex-spouse, to visit, to communicate, and yes, to love him or her.  If your ex-spouse later proves to be unworthy of that love, your children will figure that out on their own, and they will thank you for trying.  If your ex-spouse actually does end up having a good relationship with your children, what a wonderful thing!

“But wait a minute,” you might be thinking, “that @#$%^& did such-and-such to me!  He/she should pay for that!”  You may very well want to punish your ex-spouse for his/her bad behavior.  That is a natural response, to which I have two replies.

First of all, harboring that kind of bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.  You are giving him or her rent-free real estate in your head when you could be moving on.  The more time you spend dwelling on your ex-spouse’s bad behavior, the more you are letting negativity win in your life.  Being happy in your new life is really the best “revenge.”  Live out loud, in a happy way.  You, your ex-spouse, and especially your children will all be better off for it.

Secondly, your ex-spouse may have done wrong, but if you badmouth your ex-spouse to your children, you are essentially punishing your children for your ex-spouse’s wrongdoing by damaging their relationship with your ex-spouse.  What went wrong between you and your ex-spouse is a matter between adults, and it should only have an impact on the relationship between those adults.  Your ex-spouse (in most situations, anyway) did not do anything to harm the kids.  He or she may have really hurt your feelings, but that has nothing to do with your kids.  Don’t punish your children for someone else’s mistake!

 

* This post was written by Lori Holyfield.

Why You Should Never Badmouth Your Spouse to Your Children – pt. 1

You’re getting a divorce. You have children with your spouse. You love your children, and you want them to know what a horrible, nasty person your soon-to-be ex-spouse is. Should you spill the beans? No, and this blog post series will explore at least four reasons why.

badmouthing can hurt your children in a memphis, Tn divorce

Reason #1 – Your Children Will Take It Personally

First of all, the brains of children – even teenage children – are not finished developing.  Even if children say that they understand you are criticizing your ex-spouse and not them, it’s very likely that they are internalizing at least some of your comments, if only subconsciously. They will take what you say and feel that it somehow applies to them, not just your ex-spouse. You may be saying, “it’s your dad’s fault; your dad is bad,” but what your child is usually hearing is, “it is your fault; YOU are bad.” Perhaps the words of Judge Michael Haas, a Minnesota judge who wrote a letter to Dear Abby, explain it best:

“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

No matter what you think of the other party – or what your family thinks of the other party – these children are one-half of each of you. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an ‘idiot’ his father is, or what a ‘fool’ his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child that half of him is bad.

That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love! That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”

So, the next time you are frustrated, upset and want to let your children know what your spouse has done think of your children first and Just don’t do it.

 

This is part one of a four part series. Continue reading Part Two on our Memphis Divorce Blog here. Or you can skip ahead to Part Three in the series here, or Part Four in the series here.

*This post was written by Lori Holyfield

Memphis Divorce, Child Custody, Child Support, Adoption & Family Lawyers

We are Memphis Family Law & Memphis Divorce Lawyers serving Memphis and all of Shelby county in divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support (alimony), adoption and visitation law.

We believe in personalized service for all of our Memphis divorce and family law clients. Not only are we lawyers, we are also teachers. We have a two-pronged educational and proactice approach to help you through your divorce, child custudy and support problems. We first determine your individual needs, desires and values, and then tailor your plan to best fulfill your Memphis divorce law or Memphis family law needs. As Memphis family lawyers we stand beside you with compassion and support as you face the uncertainties of life.

For our clients who are seeking a divorce (either in Memphis or North Mississippi) we can guide you through the intricacies of the Mississippi and Memphis family law and divorce court system while protecting your assets and making sure that you receive the financial support you deserve.

Going through a divorce, whether it be in Memphis or North Mississippi, can be a trying time. We’re here to make sure that you get everything that you deserve! Take your time to carefully look through this website and read our blog posts. We’ve assembled some of the most useful information on the web regarding Memphis Family Law, Memphis Divorce Law and Memphis Child Support and Custody Law. And our FREE Memphis Divorce Guide Book is one of the most requested guides on the internet.

So please make sure to send us an email at contact@memphisdivorcefamilylawyer.com or call our office at 901-754-1340 if you would like a copy of one of these guides or if you would like us to help you with your Memphis or North Mississippi divorce or family law issue.

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