“Gap Year” before College: What can this trend mean for divorcing parents?
April 23, 2008 | 2 Comments
Upon reading an interesting article from MSNBC.com Parenting and Family Section about universities encouraging students to take a “gap year” between graduating high school and starting college, our Memphis Divorce and Family Lawyers wanted some feed back from local parents.
Should your child have a ‘gap year’ before college?
Some students need a break after high school — and some colleges approve
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By Danielle Wood
updated 3:58 p.m. CT, Tues., April. 22, 2008
So what does that mean for divorcing parents in Memphis? As everyone know, the legal obligation to pay child support ends when your child turns 18 or essentially finishes high school. But any parent can agree, they aren’t turning their child loose at 18 either. Co-parenting your child is a relationship that will continue well after your legal obligations have ceased.
In addition to the suggested issues and solutions from the article, here are few more thoughts on the topic:
Have the Money Talk…make sure you, your spouse and your child understand where the money is coming from and making a budget for the year. Your child may not fully understand the legal nature of child support, and you don’t want the embarrassing situation that can arise when they question why no longer are paying/receiving.
Get In First… don’t encourage the year off as a last ditch retaliation. Don’t all your teenager to manipulate your separation as a means to avoid growing up and taking responsibility.
Create a Plan B… if your child does not get into the college of their choice, don’t blame the other parent. Encourage your child to work or go to community college to improve their competitiveness. Remember that even though the legal obligation may cease, your child is still relying on you to emotionally support them.
Put it in Writing… having your child lat out their gap year plans in paper, is not part of your divorce agreement. Be honest with your children, but don’t explain the terms of property division or support agreements that won’t mesh with your child’s planning efforts. You’ll always be your child’s parent.
Tips for Memphis Parents: Be a Gracious Co-Parent
April 15, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Co-parenting can be hard. It’s not always easy to be a gracious primary residential parent, nor is it always easy to be the alternative resident either. Try to let go of the anger that led to the divorce and do your best to help foster the relationship between your child(ren) and your former spouse. The marriage is over, there was probably a lot of hurt, but the children should not be tools for revenge. Be gracious in your role.
1. Be flexible.Your ex only has the kids for short visits. If there is a hiccup in his or her schedule be gracious enough to trade weekends or meet them at a halfway point if they have a long drive. Since child support is tied to visitation days, unless there is more than a 15% change in planned days and actual days, you should just work out small changes.
2. Be proactive. Send report cards and progress reports with kids or in the mail or email. Send a school schedule and let the other parent know when the spelling bee is, and where. Often alternate residential parents feel out of the loop. It can also be difficult for you ex to get information from schools directly if the proper releases aren’t arranged. Don’t rely on your kids to inform the other parent either, it’s not their responsibility.
3. Send circus tickets with the kids. I’m not kidding. Alternative residential parents love their children too, but child support payments can make it difficult to enjoy extras with the kids. This is about the best interest of the children. If your ex has some fun too, then so be it.
4.Consult with your ex before you make plans. Many alternate residential parents show up for their weekends only to find out that the primary residential parent has already accepted an invitation for a birthday party or a sleepover for Junior. Call first. If calling, becomes shouting. Email. It’s only fair. Alternate residential parents want the children to have fun too. They just want some heads up. You’d be surprised how often they would say, ‘yes.’
5. Return phone calls. How is the alternate residential parent supposed to know that the children are in the bathtub or shower? One major complaint of alternate residential parents is that they can never get through to their kids. If the alternate residential parent is calling at the wrong time, have the children call.
6. Use litigation as a last resort. Child support late or less than it should be? Don’t let the first call be to the lawyer. Try to work out a plan to pay the arrearage. If you don’t need the money…shhhh, forget it.
Our Memphis Divorce Lawyers strive to make sure that parents understand the helpfulness of a meaningful Permanent Parenting Plan. Always remember that your child(ren) will grow up and life will change, therefore your parenting plan will always be there. But the parenting plan is not intended to be an 18 year iron static contract, you and your spouse must always keep it in mind, refer to it, and evaluate and amend as necessary. When you sign the parenting plan, you are agreeing to make a good faith effort to resolve non-financial support related parenting issues between yourselves or seeking a neutral third party to assist you. Our Memphis Divorce Lawyers can advise you throughout the process.
Maintaining custody is a privilege that not every one enjoys. It should not be a tool to abuse or take revenge on your former spouse.
Source of post: Dads Divorce and www.cordellcordell.com ©
Memphis TN Parenting Plans FAQ’s
April 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Here are the answers to questions that our Memphis divorce attorneys get asked most often regarding Tennessee Parenting Plans.
Q: What does a Parenting Plan have in it?
A: It has the schedule of whom the children are with and when they are with them on a day-to-day basis. It also has the schedule of where the children will spend holidays, days off from school, and other special days (such as birthdays). The Parenting Plan lists who will be providing the health and/or dental insurance for the children and who will be supplying the child support. The Plan will also include an allocation of parental responsibilities; that is, who makes the decisions for the children. Finally, if necessary, the Parenting Plan will have a list of reasons that require limiting the parenting time and decision making of one of the parents and in what amount the parenting time and decision making should be limited.
Q: When is a Parenting Plan required?
A: A Permanent Parenting Plan is required in any final decree or decree for modification in an action for absolute divorce, legal separation, annulment, or separate maintenance involving a minor child issued after January 1, 2001. Temporary Parenting Plans are required in any temporary orders of the court in actions for absolute divorce, legal separation, annulment, or separated maintenance involving a minor child issued after January 1, 2001.
Basically if you are receiving a divorce in Memphis and have children you will be required to file a parenting plan with the court along with your divorce papers.
Q: Who has to fill out a Parenting Plan?
A: The parties or their attorneys fill out the Parenting Plan. If the parties cannot agree to the terms of a Permanent or Temporary Parenting Plan, each parent files his or her own Plan with the Court and will, usually go on to mediation to resolve the differences.
In Memphis when there is an uncontested divorce usually both parties will agree to everything that is to be included in the parenting plan and either the husband or wife will file it or have their Memphis divorce lawyer file it.
Q: Where do I get a Parenting Plan?
A: Tennessee Code Annotated §36-6-404 requires that a parenting plan form shall be used consistently by each court within the state that approves parenting plans pursuant to §36-6-403 or §36-6-404″. The form is to be used on and after July 1, 2005. The form and instructions are located here.
Your Memphis divorce lawyer will have the proper form that is required. If you would like to see what these forms look like read our previous post here for an example.
Q: Who fills out the Parenting Plan, my lawyer or me?
A: You or your Memphis divorce lawyer can fill out the Parenting Plan. You may wish to have your lawyer help you (or your lawyer may wish to have you help him or her) fill out the details of the Plan.
Q: What if I don’t have a lawyer?
A: You can fill out the Plan by yourself and submit it to the Court for approval. If you and your spouse are in mediation, the mediator may help the two of you decide how to fill out the Plan once you have reached agreements on parts of the Plan.
Q: What if my spouse (or ex-spouse) and I don’t agree on some of the parts of the Parenting Plans?
A: You can use a mediator (on your own initiative or by order of the Court) to help you reach an agreement with your spouse. If mediation does not work, the Court will hold a hearing and will determine and order a Parenting Plan for you in the best interests of your children. This occurs most often in contested divorces.
Q: If my spouse filed a Parenting Plan, do I file my own Parenting Plan?
A: If you and your spouse agree on the Parenting Plan submitted to the Court, then you do not need to file a Plan of your own. If you do not agree with all of the parts of the Plan submitted by your spouse, then you should file your own Plan. With respect to a Temporary Parenting Plan, the new law requires that “each party shall submit a proposed temporary parenting plan and a verified statement of income as defined by title 36, chapter 5, and a verified statement that the plan is proposed in good faith and is in the best interest of the child.” T.C.A. § 36-6-403(a)(2). With respect to a Permanent Parenting Plan, the law requires that “[i]f the parties have not reached agreement on a permanent parenting plan on or before forty-five (45) days before the date set for trial, each party shall file and serve a proposed permanent parenting plan, even though the parties may continue to mediate or negotiate. Failure to comply by a party may result in the court’s adoption of the plan filed by the opposing party if the court finds such plan to be in the best interests of the child.” T.C.A. § 36-6-404(c)(3).
Q: When do I file my Parenting Plan?
A: The Local Rules of the Court determine the specifics of when to file your Parenting Plan. In Memphis divorces you will file your proposed Temporary Plan with the divorce Complaint (if you are the plaintiff), Petition (if you are the Petitioner), Response (if you are the respondent), or Answer (if you are the defendant). The proposed Permanent Parenting Plan is generally filed prior to 45 days before the date set for the trial. T.C.A. § 36-6-404(c)(3).
Q: Where do I file my Parenting Plan?
A: The Parenting Plan is filed with the Clerk of the Court. The Clerk will then enter the Plan into the case file for the Judge or Chancellor to look over. Most Memphis divorces are filed with the Shelby County Circuit Clerk.
What is a Parenting Plan?
April 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
As Memphis divorce lawyers we know that someone facing divorce have many questions, especially when there are children involved. One of the most frequent questions we hear in our Germantown law office is “What is a Parenting Plan?”
A Parenting Plan is way for Memphis parents who are divorcing (or even divorced) to plan for the parenting of their children after a divorce. The Parenting Plan recognizes that it is vitally important that the parent-child relationship remain as close as possible to help ensure the welfare of the child. In most situations, children do best when they receive the emotional and financial support of both parents. Every component of the Parenting Plan is designed to focus on the child’s best interest.
Development of a permanent Parenting Plan for those who are going through both uncontested and contested divorces provides parents with an opportunity to establish a road map for future parenting of the child. If the plan is properly set up and thought out it can can serve as a successful tool in reducing conflict between the divorcing parents. It is vital however that the plan is prepared in thoughtful, rational discussion rather than in heated emotional exchanges. It removes legal jargon and replaces it with common, everyday terms, and sets the framework to develop a family reorganization. The Plan can work to preserve family relationships. It encourages both parents to make their children the number one priority, and to see the need for the children to maintain a close, continuing relationship with each parent. The Parenting Plan enables both parents to remain involved in major decisions including education, religion, and medical care.
The Parenting Plan attempts to move away from the concepts of “custody” and “visitation” to emphasize the concept of “parenting responsibilities.” The overall goal and objective of the Plan is to lessen the hostility and encourage parents to work cooperatively in the best interests of their children. As parents working together, you will make the major decisions including education, religion, and medical care. You will make the decisions on how to resolve future issues as you continue to parent your children.
If you would actually like to see an example of what a parenting plan looks like see our previous post here.
