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Top 10 Things to Do if You Are Going to Get a Memphis Divorce

February 14, 2008 By Leave a Comment

There is no substitute for planning, and planning for your divorce can make the process go smother, lower your lawyers fees, and help ensure you emerge on the other end of the case ready to move forward, and with the least amount of emotional and financial damage. We put together the following “Top 10 list” for those considering divorce.

  1. Consider your other options: While not appropriate in every case, consider if you really want to be divorced. If not, talk to a marriage counselor or other professional who can explore saving your marriage. If the process works, great! If the process does not work, you can at least get help discovering what went wrong, how to cope, and how best to move on.
  2. Consult with and retain a family law attorney: Clients often make strategic mistakes prior to filing. For example, moving out of the family home, even briefly, can impact a custody and parenting time case. We blogged about the difference between consulting a lawyer and retaining a lawyer before. Make sure you at least consult so you know your rights, and how to avoid shooting yourself in the foot.
  3. Copy documents: Your case will be smoother and your fees lower if you have a copy of all essential documents to provide to your lawyer. Obtain copies of pay stubs, tax returns, retirement account statements, bank statements, car and boat titles, real estate documents, insurance polices, etc. If you or your spouse uses financial software to track expenses, save a copy of the file.
  4. Inventory your personal property: Go room to room and make a list of major items of value. You do not need to inventory every muffin tin, but you may end up out of the house for a period of months while the case progresses, and you may forget what is there.
  5. Get a copy of your credit reports: Getting a credit report is very useful in identifying debt, accounts, and what accounts are open and closed. Pull a copy of your report from each of the three credit bureaus or a tri-merge report and your lawyer will thank you.
  6. Establish your own credit and source of funds: If you do not have credit in your own name, apply for them and get several. You will need to establish your own separate credit history, and do not want to be in the position of having your access to funds cut off. If there is a joint cash account, consider splitting it and transferring ½ to a separate account in your sole name.
  7. Keep the kids out of it: Getting ready for a divorce can take lots of time and energy. Make sure the kids don’t suffer any more than necessary by making them the first priority. Do not put them in the middle. Do not argue in front of them. Do not badmouth your spouse in front of the kids. Keep their routines as normal as you can. Stay connected (or get connected) to their activities at school and after school. Courts take a dim view parents that put kids in the middle of the conflict. Just don’t do it.
  8. Know your finances: Make sure you know what you make and are capable of making, what your spouse makes and is capable of making, and where the money goes each month. What are the credit cards? How much is owed? Where are the retirement accounts? Can you earn enough in your current job or will you need your spouse to support you for a period of time? If your job involves travel, will you need a different job without travel if you don’t have a spouse to watch the kids while you are gone? The more you know about the finances the easier it will be to communicate with your lawyer. Knowing the finances and having a plan helps put you in the best position after the divorce is over.
  9. Manage debt: This could be the worst time to increase your debt level. Unless your lawyer tells you otherwise, don’t make major purchases. Don’t go on shopping sprees. Some lawyers advise their clients to contact joint creditors and have accounts closed, or limits reduced to prevent the accumulation of new debt during the divorce.
  10. Take care of yourself: Divorce can be a very stressful experience. Take care of yourself, even before anyone files. Work out. Find a support group, either through your friends or a formal divorce support group. Consider getting counseling. Many clients choose to get into counseling to help with the process, and report back that it was helpful.

Thanks go out to divorce lawyer Sean Stephens on compiling this list. His original posting can be found here.

Filed Under: Memphis Divorce Blog, Top 10 Lists Tagged With:

How to Make Shared Custody Work in Your Memphis Divorce

February 14, 2008 By Leave a Comment

It takes hard work, rules and schedules to make shared custody work when it comes to a Memphis divorce where children are involved. Just because you will be getting a divorce doesn’t mean you won’t have to deal with your former spouse anymore. But with dedication to making sure that the best interest of your children is always the number one priority shared custody can and does work. Just don’t expect it to be easy. 

Steps to Making Shared Custody Work in your Memphis Divorce:

1. Realize that although you and your partner can no longer function as a couple you must continue to function as parents together. Put aside your anger and hurt, and resolve to work together for the good of your child.

2. Expect to have disagreements. After all, you did split up for a reason. When you disagree, try not to do so in front of your child, and try to find a way to compromise. It is too late to hope to change each other. You need to learn to focus on your child together.

3. Talk to the other parent. You and your ex-spouse must find a way to communicate with each other if you are to parent together. If you cannot communicate, you cannot parent effectively as a team.

4. Bite your tongue. Learn not to pursue every argument that comes up. Think of shared custody as a job you must get done. You can’t accomplish your work if you spend all your time arguing.

5. Make a list of rules to follow as parenting partners. For example, no arguing in front of the child, be polite to each other, be considerate of the other person when possible and, most importantly, put your child first.

6. Form some ground rules about things such as bedtime, how much television is allowed, when homework must be done, etc., and follow them in both houses. Having two sets of rules is too confusing for children. Have some rules for yourselves, as well, such as who will wash the child’s clothes, where school and sports equipment will be kept, who will buy clothes, etc.

7. Set up a schedule, and follow it. Sit down with a calendar, and decide where the child will be each day. Write it down, and make sure you both keep a copy. Make a schedule that will be easy to remember and easy to follow. You don’t want it to be different each week.

8. Be flexible. Realize that things are going to come up and changes will have to be made to the schedule to accommodate you, your child and the other parent. The more relaxed and cooperative you both are about this, the easier it will be.

9. Plan out a procedure for requesting schedule changes. For example, all nonemergency changes must be requested at least 24 hours in advance.

10. Consider your child’s feelings. Many children feel strongly about wanting to have one home base, and experts often say that it is best if a child has one place to call home. Do everything you can to make your child feel comfortable.

11. Work around your child’s activities. Don’t make your child miss soccer practice because it is the other parent’s afternoon. Keeping your child involved in activities will help to normalize the situation for him or her.

12. Get help if you need it. It can be helpful to work with a mediator to resolve schedule disputes. It can also be helpful to see a couple’s therapist for help in learning to work together as co-parents.

Tips:
Don’t expect shared custody to go smoothly in the beginning. All of you will have to learn to adjust to it. Be patient with the situation.

If after a while the situation is not working, talk to your attorney about getting the custody situation changed.

Feel good about yourself. By having shared custody you are giving your child access to both parents. Although it may be difficult, it is one of the best things you can do for your child.
Warnings:
If your ex-spouse is or has been abusive, you should rethink shared custody. Keeping your child safe takes precedence over all else.

If you suspect your child has been mistreated by the other parent, you need to contact the police and the local child protective agency.

 Special thanks to divorce and family lawyer Grant Griffiths for this post. His original post can be found here.

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