Part of a divorce with children is figuring out custody, through what the courts here call a “Permanent Parenting Plan.”  This document does more than determine where your children will be on the next holiday or weekend, though – it also helps set out a set of guidelines that you and your soon-to-be ex agree on in how to raise your children.  It includes everything from who will make the major decisions regarding things like religion to outlining the rights of parents.  But right from the outset, it includes some key phrasing that is important to remember in this incredibly difficult time for your family:

“The mother and father will behave with each other and each child so as to provide a loving, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with the child even though they are divorced.”

There are a lot of emotions coming to the surface during a divorce: anger, betrayal, hurt, sorrow, and despair.  We encourage you and all of our clients to remember, though, that the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children is to step back and realize that they are being possibly more affected by the divorce than you are.  Here are our 5 Tips for Divorcing Parents:

1.      Do not criticize the other parent in front of your children, under any circumstances.  This contributes to a feeling of instability and disharmony for the children, and creates for them confusion as to how to act regarding their love for the other parent.  This includes letting your children know if you are not receiving child support – telling your kids that can only lead them to feeling some sense of abandonment, doing long-term emotional damage.

2.      Remind your kids constantly of your and the other parent’s love for them.  Remind them often that the divorce is in no way their fault.

3.      Do not use your children as messengers.  A divorce is something that occurs between adults, and all communications stemming from it should be handled accordingly, by adults.  Kids do not need to be made a part of the struggle.

4.      Pay your child support, if you are the non-custodial parent.  Withholding child support out of anger or spite does more harm to the children involved than you may realize.

5.      Finally, at every step make sure to remember that your children’s interests should always be placed ahead of yours, the other parent’s, or anyone else’s.  Make sure they get every possible access to the other parent, and do so positively and with every means in your power.