While not specific to either Memphis family law or Mississippi family law, I recently came across a post on the Oklahoma Family Law Blog, which is written by family lawyer Dan Nunely, that brought up several points that all parents in Memphis and the surrounding areas should consider if they are going through a divorce. 

The blog referenced an article written by Trish Berg that discussed the losses that children suffer when divorce occurs.  The following is her list of the five main losses children experience during divorce:

1. Loss of Dad – When parents divorce, typically the dad leaves the home, and may not be present much in the lives of the children. This causes an emotional vacuum for the children, and they may feel rejected, alone, and unloved, no matter how much the single parent loves them.

2. Loss of Money – When dad leaves, so does a lot of the money. Economic resource are, at best, cut in half, at worst, single parent families live in poverty.

3. Loss of Security – Kids of divorce often move to a new, smaller home, in a new town, with a new school. They now have to visit their dad. If mom and dad then begin dating, an entirely new stress is added to their lives. Their sense of stability and security is shaken as their world has forever changed.

4. Loss of Harmony – Many kids whose parents divorce feel caught in the middle. The fighting may have stopped, but now Mom may talk negatively about dad, and dad may gripe about mom, all in front of the kids. Parents may play games with visitation, and hold the children as emotional ransom. This loss of harmony causes tremendous chaos and stress for them.

5. Loss of Simplicity – Life for children of divorce can get very complicated. They have to schedule everything they do, and remember what weekends they are visiting dad so they don’t play in a soccer league with games then. They have to split heir holiday time – Christmas Eve with dad, Christmas morning with mom. And when life events hit, they have to worry about mom and dad being in the same place. Who will come to my eighth grade graduation? Will they see each other? Will they fight? Family life is now complex and chaotic, and that will last for the rest of their lives.

What can you do to help your children? Explain to them the process that you are going through. Make sure that they understand that nothing they haven’t done anything to cause the divorce. Never argue in front of them or use them as pawns between your spouse. And try to keep things as constant and familiar as you can. The more things remain the same the more secure your children will feel.